When I get back to . . .

Over the last couple of months, we've noticed something very evident in the life of our daughter. If her life was a song, the chorus would begin with these words "when I get back to . . . ".



Due to her health struggles, she's had to learn some difficult restraint for a 4 year old. One of the first Portuguese phrases she learned was "não posso ter proteinas" - I can't have proteins. We've watched time after time as her friends in Vila Pantanal have shoved cookies, cake, or cheetos in her face only to see her stand confident and recite her phrase. It breaks our heart, well mostly mine... Shannon has a stronger confidence that not eating crap food is a good thing for her, while I view it as a devastating tragedy. But enough of my issues.

One of the constant conversations around the dinner table has begun like this . . . "Daddy, when I get back to eggs, I'm going to be so happy!" or "Daddy, when I get back to cheeseburgers, I'm going to eat six at one time!" She never says this complaining or frustrated, but with a simple tone of hope and expectation rising out of a place of contentment. She's handled it much better than I ever could have. The tone changes slightly on tougher days when a different verse is sung that goes more like this . . . "Daddy, when I get back to the United States, I'm going to play dress up with Hannah because I miss her so much!"

Out of these simple conclusions, I've come to the conclusion that my daughter is one of the world's most brilliant theologians. Ok, I'm good at overstating things, but at least I'm confident that she's on the way. The longing and desire for things to be as they should be, even as she rests content in the midst of this challenge, is an example that I'm trying to learn to follow.

I know that life is not what it's supposed to be, I know that this world, all of us as a people, were created for more than what I see daily on the streets. Too often in my life, I've let this fact draw me into frustration and lead me towards a life of complaining, moping, pouting, and the occasional temper tantrum.

The first time I was struck with the reality that this world was not what it was meant to be was my first trip to Haiti. Driving through the streets as the stench of sewage washed into the streets and the sight of blocks of landfills full of people picking through the trash slammed my senses, I caught the gaze of a lady staring back into my eyes. I noticed her humanity, she wasn't just an object on the side of the road, but had flesh, feelings, and thoughts like I did, she was made in the image of God. Up until that point, I assumed that this dump of a life was all people like her had ever known. So, not knowing anything better, they probably were content in this life because they knew no better. But when I locked eyes with this lady, I knew, she knew, she was meant for more. They all were. We all are. Even the comfort and luxuries of life in the States come with aches, pains, frustrations and brokenness.

My deepest hope and desire is to see the Kingdom of God in all of its fullness. Lion laying with lamb, peace in fullness on a recreated Earth, with Jesus leading and guiding all the world in His physical presence. But now, I wrestle in the tension. I don't live in hopelessness, because I believe His Kingdom is already here, inbreaking, coming forth. But I know there's more to be had. I long for all humanity to experience the moment WHEN WE GET BACK TO . . . what it was all meant to be in the first place.

When Naomi speaks of what she wants to get back to, it sends me off into a daze, thinking about the things that I long for in the same way. Sometimes it is just very simple things. To sit and sip a freezing cold beer in a world free of alcoholism, addiction, and abuse. To enjoy the fruit of creation in this form without concern that I'll cause trouble for someone else and send them spiraling into a pattern of life that wrecks and wastes theirs and the lives of those they love. Jesus said at the last supper that He wouldn't taste wine again until He drank it anew with those He loved at the consummation of His eternal Kingdom. I know there's going to be some shock for some there who have embraced certain valid callings in this life. But I can't wait to hear the roar of laughter at the freedom we'll experience as we begin to tip back the greatest wine we've ever tasted!

Other times, it's very situational. When I get back to being understood. Most of this has been brought to mind by the simple fact of language acquisition. However, there's a deeper longing there that I've learned all about through my very cross-cultural marriage to my hygienically questionable neo-hippie! We've always had a great marriage, are madly in love, and yet have forever spoken two different dialects of the same language. Communication has always been our weak point, even though we've gotten a lot better. We can almost communicate with each other as well as we communicate with the Brazilians here, almost. But there is this longing, to be understood. Scripture talks of a time when we will fully know as we are fully known. Often we emphasize the excitement of being able to fully know, especially us Americans, we value information. It's legit, to grasp, understand, and appreciate, every scar, every pain, every moment of frustration . . . to see it redeemed, painted, and infiltrated with meaning and significance. It is legit. At the same time, for me, there's just this deeper desire to grasp what it would be like to be fully known . . . fully understood, fully accepted, fully appreciated (and to receive that without doubts or confusion).



However, too much of the time lately, it's serious emotional things. As my beautiful brown-eyed whacko starts to speak of "when I get back to" my heart pounds out the deep emotional yearnings of "when I get back to" watching you, my beloved little daughter, run and dance and play. When I get back to hearing you sing, listening to your jokes, watching you climb the monkey bars without this nagging incessant inspection for the slightest little slur in your speech, the simplest little falter in your step, the smallest hesitation in your thought and the constant wonder if something dreadful is going to happen. When I get back to trusting that you're going to be just fine. When I get back to a world without illness, pain, or suffering.

In truth, she's been great since we've gotten here. It's been three months since any issue (other than the emergency room visit after she fell and slammed her head). Even as I write this, and even as I ponder, I feel the presence of the One who has suffered through my moral seizures and paralysis. Who's watched over me as I've stumbled and fallen and bled. When I think of this I can't help but feel hope arise and faith grow and hold on with anticipation for the great moment to come of "when I get back to".

Naomi's Skill

Well, we took our first "vacation" in Brazil. Traveling anywhere with two little munchkins with planes, trains, buses, taxis, etc. isn't the most relaxing thing, but we had a great time none-the-less. Both Shannon and my passports are expiring the beginning of next year, and we thought it would be good to get them renewed with plenty of time left. So we headed out Monday afternoon for São Paulo. We were in awe of the city, never seen such an enormous city in our lives!!! Some estimates at over 20 million people!

We went to the Consulate on Tuesday morning, and were pleasantly surprised that it only took us about an hour to get everything taken care of. We had done some searching the night before for things to do. Shannon talked me in to not being cheap, so we sprung the US$15 for the four of us to go to the São Paulo zoo. It was amazing, there were over 3000 animals. The kids had a blast and we spent about four hours there.

Of course, it's always an adventure. Caleb was getting exhausted and wanted to be carried everywhere, but wouldn't fall asleep. So we were carrying him for a while and then putting him down to walk. (Important to note, Caleb does not know how to walk, we've never observed that phenomenon, he runs EVERYWHERE)! Well, sure enough, at one point we had put him down and were looking for an entrance to this kid's place. We got sidetracked and Shannon, Naomi, and I looked at this other exhibit. We seriously hadn't turned our head for more than 10 seconds, turned around and Caleb was gone. Shannon went running one direction, I took off in the other with Naomi, our hearts were just about stopped. Shannon found him around the corner a good 1000 feet or so away, behind a fence, just standing. She was tearing up and all he says is "I didn't find the way in yet mom".

This was towards the end of the day and we were all exhausted, and pretty angry at that point too. At the same time we were relieved, so we sat down on a bench to take a break. Caleb was finally starting to fall asleep sitting on Shannon. Naomi was mentioning every three seconds what animals we still had left to see. As we were sitting there, we heard a bird shaking a bunch of leaves above our heads. Shannon asked me what it was, and I replied "at this point, I'm not going to bother looking, it's probably a pigeon and there's a great chance it's about to crap on us." Naomi rolled her eyes at me and said, "don't worry Dad, I'll find the bird and figure out what it is". She got up and walked back into some bushes and was looking all around this tree while we sat there trying to gather up some energy. All of the sudden Naomi shouted "daddy, come look, it's one of those cool birds from your book" I walked over, still expecting a pigeon, and saw this:



How AWESOME! My daughter totally spotted a Red-breasted (or Green-billed) Toucan. It was sitting on a branch at a height of about 7 feet, right above us. We stared at it, and were amazed. It stayed just long enough for me to pull the camera out, and then it took off out of the park and into some more forest (the zoo is actually located in the middle of a massive forest area that is preserved inside of the city). I found this picture on the web.

I had to take the time to celebrate my daughter and her amazing birding skills. It's something that the kids and I have loved to do together. They like to find me birds, make up names for them, and then run screaming and roaring at the birds as they chase them away. Shannon's probably going to get some pictures up later on Facebook about how that doesn't always work out great, especially in the case of ducks and geese, a whole other story!

Things I Love About My Life - Take 2

I love that Naomi and Caleb are starting to understand more Portuguese and have started responding to simple questions in Portuguese... it's so fun! And when they're playing, sometimes they make up words and pretend that they're speaking in Portuguese. I love that my kids will someday be bilingual (or maybe trilingual)!
I love that Caleb wants to pray for all of our meals... he reminds us when we forget, and then takes it on as his duty to pray for all of us.
I love that we have made friends with cool Brazilian people like Jonas & Amanda and get to hang out with them often. They're 19 and 16 respectively, but they are our closest friends here. We definitely feel like we connect with them, even with the language barrier. Jonas is the worship leader at the church that we attend and Amanda has just recently fallen in love with Jesus!
I love the spontaneity of this culture... i.e. yesterday morning, the bishop over the entire Methodist church in Brazil (and a friend of ours) calls us on Skype and asks Steve if he would give a devotional at a meeting with the District Superintendants about 3 hours later... such fun! And, mad props to my hubby, who wowed them with his fabulous Portuguese :)
I love that I can walk out of my house and find new places that I have yet to discover. While I was out yesterday, I ran into a friend of mine, which is a big deal since we know about 30 people in a city of 2&1/2 million.
I love that also, while I was out for my walk, I walked past an adorable little girl, playing out at the front of her house and when her mom came out, they both waved at me and smiled and said good morning. Living in the city is very different from what we're used to and people don't always talk to you... they're a bit more reserved, and cautious. So anyways, it's always a plus when I run into a friendly person who smiles and talks to me.
I love that we have made relationships with people in day-to-day life. Steve stopped by the Panificadora (bakery) around the corner where we buy our bread every day or two, when he was returning to the hospital with some food for us the other night and shared with the people what was happening with Naomi. The next day, on his way to the market, the shop owner came running out and asked him how Naomi was. People who would just be strangers or shopworkers at home are genuine opportunities for relationship and sharing in this culture.
I love that, even though we are many miles away from most of our friends and family, we have the opportunity to still be in contact through Skype, and the internet. I love that we can maintain our relationships with so many that we love and miss like crazy!
And lastly... I love my family! I love that God has blessed me with such an amazing husband and that we get to walk this journey of life together. I love that He has given us the opportunity to raise these two precious kids and to point them to Jesus and to teach them of His love for them.
Thanks for letting me share more about how fabulous my life is!

Caleb's potty training goodness

So, we have one funny boy on our hands... this week we started potty training and I wanted to document some of the hilarious things that came out of his mouth. So, the first day, we had started talking about his body and how things work... that his body would give him signals to tell him that he had to pee/poop and that he needed to start "listening" to his body so that he would know when to sit on the potty. And so we were sitting up at the table eating lunch that afternoon, Caleb busts out with "hey mom... my belly is telling me that it doesn't want broccoli, only candy." He's been getting a half a piece of candy each time he sits on the potty, so the first day he wanted to sit on it every 5 minutes, for about 10 seconds, so we had to do a little revising of the candy reward (ah, kids love to keep you on your toes).
Also, every time we've had him sit on the potty when he wasn't in the mood, he uses the excuse that his body told him that he didn't have to go.
i have to give some props to my boy who has been running around with no pants on (except his big boy underwear) for the last 6 days, in 60 degree weather... he is actually getting it down. One time, we tried to have him stand up and pee at the regular toilet one time... when he came out of the bathroom with Steve, he said, "mom... my penis told me it didn't need to pee."
At the beginning, we had some rough times, but thankfully he's getting more and more comfortable with himself... earlier when he was sitting on the potty, he started playing with himself and he said, "mom... I'm pretending it's an elephant"!!!
Aside from the potty training, he has (well, for about a year now) been almost as good as his daddy at quoting movies. I love the randomness of it all, for example, the other night, we were riding home on the bus and Caleb just randomnly, said "leaving broccoli... a vegetable" (complete with the pause for effect), which was a quote from IceAge 3, which is one of their favorites. I could go on and on about all the times he has used quotes at totally appropriate times, but that will have to be another blog. Here are just a couple of examples of how adorable our little boy is, and we are so blessed to be his parents! Love you, Caleb Samuel!!

Yet another adorable thing that came from the mouth of our little girl

So, I know that we have blogged a lot lately about Naomi, but I think that she is just thriving here... so anyways, we have to share this one too. A couple of days ago, Naomi woke from her nap before Caleb and so Steve offered to let her watch a movie. Some of the new movies we bought for the kids have the option to be watched in Portuguese or English, so Steve asked Naomi what language she wanted to watch the movie in this time (lately we have been having the kids watch the movies in Portuguese about 5 or 6 times and then let them watch it in English to give them some words for things they weren't picking up before, then go back to Portuguese). Naomi's response to Steve was (ah, I wish you could hear the tone...) "Portuguese, Daddy... we already know English, but we need to learn Portuguese" Ahhh, she is SO my daughter :)

So, i woke up this morning to Caleb climbing and jumping all over me... a daily occurance in our home. About 10 minutes later, Naomi walked in really smiley. We have been working on staying dry through the night, so when she came in this morning we asked her if she was dry, she responded with a huge smile and said yes! As we were starting to praise her and get really excited about this victory, she stopped us and said, "but you know what I'm really excited about?... isn't today momma's birthday? Happy birthday, momma!" How darn sweet is that?!?! Made my day! I freakin' love this girl!!!

Priceless Moment!

Our family took a walk to the Panificadora this morning. On the way, as I was holding Naomi's hand, I looked at her and said, "I am so proud of the woman you are becoming". She gave me her big grin, looked up, and said,"Daddy, I'm glad that's working out for ya".

That's all I need to write.

Eu amo minha vida! (I love my life)

So, starting to process earlier has left me wanting more. And so, since I have a little bit more quiet time this evening, I've decided to make a list of things that I'm loving about my life in Brazil. Here goes:

1 - I love that I get to live new adventures every day! Sometimes these are things that I would've normally taken for granted, like going to the grocery store, but now they are new and fun and not always easy either.

2 - I love that we take long walks every day (or at least close to every day) and have a lot of time to talk to each other and process life during these times. We also have many opportunities to learn about the area that surrounds us and the people we live among now... which leads me to my next love.

3 - I love that I get to be a learner every single day... I know I had the opportunity to do this in the US as well, but here this role is almost thrust upon me, but I actually enjoy it. It has actually spurred me to learn in other areas that are not necessity, and other than learning Portuguese and the culture of the Brazilian people, and learning how to cook from some sweet (and patient) Brazilian friends, we have been learning about different types of plants and animals. Steve and I have also been doing an inductive Bible study together for the first time since we've been married and I love it!

4 - I love that we have been making meal times a priority. This isn't something we ever put much effort into doing when we lived in the states, but has been invaluable. We have learned so much about our children and each other during these times and we are totally loving our dining room table :) I'm praying for many more good times to happen there.

5 - I love that tonight, at the dinner table, Naomi said to me "porque... why" like she was translating her Portuguese for me. I love that my kids enjoy speaking the language and that they are understanding even more than I know.

6 - I love that our Jesus Storybook Bible is starting to get worn out because the kids love reading it so much! I love that we have great friends who bought it for us before we left to come here and that our kids are really learning about the "Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love" of the God who created them and sent His Son to earth to rescue them! And I love that the kids ask to read stories by name and that they can finish sentences in the stories... so fun!

7 - I love that we live in such a hospitable place! The other day, when I got stuck in the bus door (if you don't know about this story, you can ask and I'd love to give you details... a very humbling experience), we were walking home and Steve was carrying a sleeping Caleb and Naomi was doing an amazing job walking next to us and I was carrying all of our purchases from the day (a rug for our frontroom and a wooden box full of our dishes set). I had just set one bag down to switch arms that I was carrying it on when I realized that I had blocked the sidewalk and there was a guy riding a bike from the other direction. When I picked up my stuff and said sorry, he asked if he could carry the stuff for me to my house! And this is only one example of the hospitality that is so prevalent in this culture.

8, and lastly - I love that my kids are being exposed to life how a majority of the world live. I love that when my kids see people in poverty they ask hard questions and they want better for them. I love that they are compassionate and caring and they are thinking outside of themselves. I don't want to hyper-spiritualize my kids... they are still 4 and 2 and beat eachother up and can be really selfish at times and they pick their noses. But I love that they are being challenged to think of others when we live life among those who have less than we do.

Thanks for reading about my life and for letting me share a little bit more about life here.

Boa Noite (Good night)

Living with paradox

Since I have yet to really sit down and take the time to process all that has been going on in our life for the last month and a half, I figured I'd use this quiet time while the kids are both sleeping to do just that. You will have to bare with me as normally my processing is pretty random :) so to make it a little easier, I'll just make a list of my thoughts. here goes:

I am loving that we are getting closer as a family and getting to know each other better
... at the same time, we are learning that, as culture shock hits and things get harder, it's much easier to take it out on those who are closer to you. So we've had to learn to ask for forgiveness A LOT (and extend forgiveness as well) during these stressful times.

I love learning a new language and am thankful to the Lord that He's given us a grace to be picking it up pretty quickly. A Brazilian friend came over today and brought me to the store, taught me how to cook some, and ate lunch with us. She was over for probably around 2&1/2 hours and we were able to converse with her the entire time she was here
... at the same time, it has been frustrating to not be able to share deeper parts of who I am with our Brazilian friends because of the lack of vocabulary. I can't wait to share more of the depths of my soul and the longings of my heart with them! I am excited for the day when I can talk to our friends here about how the Lord is moving in their lives and even just about their feelings, but I know the day will come and, for now, I'm learning more about patience.

I love that my kids have started calling me "mamae" (Portuguese for mom) and using little phrases in Portuguese during normal conversation.
... and I know that a day will come when my kids will probably be interpreting for me. It has been fun watching them go from being confused about the idea of others speaking in a different language to actually being able to understand little phrases. The first week we were here, we were at a pastor's conference and there was a woman speaking on a microphone (which they turn up REALLY LOUD here) and Naomi said "I can't understand her because she's too loud." Even after we explained that the reason she wasn't able to understand was because the woman was speaking Portuguese, Naomi still responded, "no, it's because it's loud" :) And today, when we were at our language school, our professora asked Naomi a couple of questions in Portuguese and Naomi answered them appropriately! It's so cute to hear her little accent!

I have started to come to grips with the idea of doing dishes after every meal and cleaning the floor at least once a day - 2 things that I don't enjoy doing in the least, but are necessity here because spaces are small and they get dirty quick.
... and it's helped me to identify with a larger percentage of women around the world who have been doing this (and much much more) their entire life. I have lived a very privileged life thus far and I am learning to be thankful for what I have and remember to pray for those who have even less.

One of the most difficult things for me to wrap myself around since we've been here are expectations. I know Steve talked a little about this before, but it's something I'm dealing with as well. As a mother, walking into a new culture, I have wondered often how people are perceiving my parenting. Is it culturally appropriate for me to spank my kids, or even discipline them by raising my voice?... Am I a "bad parent" if I let some older kids watch my kids while I go into someone else's house and sit and converse with them?.. Can I let my kids run around our driveway area by themselves, or do I have to sit down there with them while they're playing? These are only a couple of the questions that I mull over all day, and may not know the answer to for some time.
... thankfully, we're learning that Brazilians are not normally afraid to share their opinions, and so hopefully once we know the language a little more, we will be able to question other parents to learn how they live life with little kids. Until then, once again, I need to learn patience.

There are many more of these to come, but I don't want to write a book. Thank you for reading this far and for walking in this journey with us! We would not be able to do this without the backing of the amazing people who we call our family and friends! We are so thankful that the Lord has called us to this place and are excited to be able to do our part in the body of Christ. Thank you for also doing your part, and may the Lord bless your obedience. It is my prayer that the body of Christ would function as a healthy body throughout the world, and that as a result, others would be drawn to the feet of Jesus!

Deus a bencoi (God bless you) -

Shannon

Our Disease

All of our training has prepared us for the inevitability of the onset of a period of turmoil known as Culture Shock. If you really want to know how to be praying for us over the next several months, it is related to this area. I've posted some notes from our training on our website www.themissionsociety.org/people/mersinger. It's in the top right above our newsletters.



Culture shock, and the inability to cope, is one of the primary reasons that 50% or more of full-time missionaries do not complete their first term or leave right after their first term is up. We've been here just over a month and have been loving the honeymoon stage of culture shock. Everything is new and exciting and fresh. However, we've started to feel the tension over the past week and a half that this portion is ending and an unsettling and chaotic period is beginning.

On a surface level it is largely simple things that aren't very significant, but if you dwell upon them they can bite you. I miss Reese's peanut butter cups, they don't have peanut butter in Brazil. Dulce de leite is AWESOME, but it's not peanut butter. I miss flushing toilet paper, throwing it in the trash can lacks a certain appeal that I'm sure you're cringing at the thought of right now! I miss Salvation Army half priced Wednesdays ~ "can't just some of you selfish Brazilians get rid of your nearly brand new clothes that you never wear because you have tons of others so that I can buy them for 50 cents?"

All of the above, and many others unlisted, are very simple things that we can laugh at and move past with a chuckle. Others have started wearing on us and they are what we really need prayer for. In a context where it can take four to five hours just to walk to a store, negotiate a price for a pair of sandals, and walk home can leave you feeling extremely useless and lazy at the end of the day. We say, "what did we do today besides go shopping, do some laundry, and cook two meals?" Then we realize nothing, because all of that took 10 times longer than it did in the states. We're picking up language and getting some of the culture and figuring new things out while we're doing all of this, but it feels extremely unfulfilling.

Couple this with the fact that even when you succeed in such a venture, you're still left feeling like a moron. You can't express the simplest of your feelings or ideas about life. You can get "things" that you want by pointing, grunting, and scratching your armpit like a caveman, but it's not due to the intricacies of your learned communication styles, but the grace and mercy of your hosts. However, none of that lends to the building of deep relationships and the formation of a community that you can lean and rely on in the midst of challenges.

On top of not being understood, is the inability to truly understand. Without knowing the language let alone the non-verbal signs and cues that are being communicated, it leads to a lot of ambiguity. For me, as a people pleaser, this leaves me very unsettled in wondering about expectations. What are they? What do these people whom I'm working with expect out of me. I don't know, so I'm left to my imagination, which is a dangerous thing.

These are the aspects of this season that we most need prayer for! In reality, we are feeling these tensions, but we're also learning a ton and experiencing the presence of God in the midst of them. One of the other aspects of culture shock that was emphasized in our training is that it creates an atmosphere that is conducive to spiritual renewal. Whenever I am confronted with the ambiguity of expectations, I have to lean back on the reality of my identity, a beloved child of the King. What are HIS expectations for me? What is HIS view of me? That is the audience of One that I have been called to live my life before. If I do that well, then I'm in the best possible position to be a blessing to those I'm sent to, regardless of whether they have expectations, whether I understand them, and whether or not they are or aren't realistic ones.

One final thing that we find encouraging as we head into this is that we have not experienced any major aspects of culture shock in terms of hostility towards the Brazilian people. This is a common aspect of the struggle, but we have found the Brazilian people very easy to appreciate and love, and we think that this is vital to our work here. Even our one small complaint; that whenever Caleb throws a temper tantrum in the home of one of our Brazilian friends, he comes home with five more new toys; is understandable to us. We don't appreciate him being rewarded for his behavior, but we recognize that Brazilian culture places a deep value on harmony in relationships. As our relationships deepen, we will in time express our feelings and values in terms of not rewarding this kind of behavior. But for now while we remain in this ambiguous position, we believe it is best to respect the culture and learn from it as we are able.

Cidade de Deus - City of God

During our time in Rio, we had the opportunity to visit the City of God. It's one of the more than 100 distinct favellas in Rio de Janeiro. It's also one of the more prominent ones because of the movie that was made about it several years ago of the same name.

We spent an entire day walking around with a man who pastors inside Cidade de Deus and has lived there his whole life. He was an arms dealer and drug addict for many years and had his life transformed by the gospel of Jesus. We've mentioned before the differences in the approach of the churches in these areas to issues like drug trafficking. They have standing relationships with the different cartels. They don't approve of what is going on, but they know the officials are corrupt also. So instead of directly opposing them through legal avenues (which we're told would not likely work anyways), they build relationships of trust with the drug dealers and seek to live out their faith and witness in the midst of a messy situation.

According to the pastor, this has led to much fruit in the City of God. In the past two years, as the churches have united and worked together laboring in prayer, they have seen some radical changes within. There has been some transforming within the local political structures that has helped, but there have been some dramatic conversion experiences among top cartel leaders that have really shaken things up.

A local missionary asked us to continue to intercede for them. She explained that while we were being told truth, and that much had changed, there is still a long road to go. As we sat in the house of a woman who lives in the City of God we saw a clear presentation of the paradox of life in the midst of such circumstances. She had two sons who had gotten involved in trafficking, they both attempted to get out and were shot down and killed. She expressed her hurt, and her fears that another son was heading down the same path, but she also mentioned that she couldn't be too mad because these same people provide gas, running water, and basic necessities for her that she needs to live. The murderers of her children, still seem to care more and deliver more for her daily life than the elected officials.

One final story, I had a sweet moment with Naomi in the midst of our journey through Cidade de Deus. We were heading up an elevated portion of the favella along a hill side. As is normally the case here, the most impoverished are literally marginalized to the sides of hills and mountains where dwellings are less stable and accessories such as running water and electric are less available. As I carried Naomi, hopping from stone to stone, to avoid falling into the small stream of sewage that collected from tin shacks to run straight down the pathway that these people used to leave their part of the city, she asked me about the housing. She wanted to know what the buildings that we were passing were and why it smelled like poop. I explained to her that they were peoples houses. She started to tear up and got very concerned. She said, "but Daddy, I don't want them to have to live here". I told her I didn't either. Then she said, "Daddy, when Jesus comes to fix the world, will he make these people new houses too?". I asked her what she thought. She said, "I think He will Daddy, I don't think He likes it that these people have to live here either."

Unfurnished Brazilian Style

An interesting aspect of our hunting for a place to live has been the difference between unfurnished and furnished places. The furnished places are outrageous so we've mostly stayed away from those and began to search in the unfurnished places. We were warned before we came that getting furniture here would not be like in the states. There are no goodwills or salvation army's or garage sales. If you bought a couch ten years ago for $200, and it's not trashed, you could still get $190 for it. Basically, goods hold their value here.

What has come as a surprise to us as we began to look at some of the unfurnished places is that unfurnished has a vastly different meaning here. It's not just needing some furniture. When a Brazilian cleans out their place to rent it out unfurnished, they take the major appliances, sinks, cabinets, counters, toilet seats, and light bulbs!!! An interesting aspect of Brazilian culture to us.

The First 24 Hours

I am not pretending that this will be a daily thing, it won't! However, these first 24 hours have been somewhat remarkable.

It began with an inconceivable reality, we were not allowed to go to Brazil and would not be given our tickets. Apparently the guy at the US Air counter had some little piece of paper print out that said we couldn't come without a return ticket, although we had no immediate plans of returning. If it weren't for my brother-in-law Duane, and his precious technologically advanced phones we would've been in trouble. We asked if we could purchase return tickets and show them proof to obtain our tickets. We had to run to the gate but we were off!

In Charlotte we met this Brazilian lady who lives in Pennsylvania. She was returning to Rio to visit family. We had a good conversation and she ended up being near us on the plane. About 7 am this morning nearing the end of the flight, her daughter Bianca (about 4) had to go to the bathroom. She stands up, turns to the middle aged American man next to her, and asks him to hold her 6 week old while she helped her daughter in the bathroom. She promptly handed the baby over and walked towards the bathroom with little Bianca in tow. MAAmericanM or MAAM as I will forever call him, looked with bewilderment as six month old boy began to cry. I thought he was going to pass out at the unfolding of unexpected events.

This previous story combined with the thirty to forty cases of complete strangers in airports and grocery stores patting our kids on the head would be experience enough to cause some of our closest friends back home to completely stroke out :)! You know who you are!

While we're "normal" enough to see these things as completely odd. We're odd enough to completely LOVE IT! I'm sure as time passes there will be things that grate on us. But I think we're officially in the honeymoon stage and can see the plus side of some of these "oddities". Some of these "oddities" are simply the reflection of God's image through another culture and we want to value them, even if it is difficult.

Much more to come . . .

Hopefully the final update on Naomi :)

Family and friends, we wanted to let you know of some great news!
So, as some you know, we had an appointment with a geneticist down in south Florida on the 4th and wanted to write and let everyone know how things went. We met with Dr. Benke and part of the way through the appointment he stated that he felt like he knew what was going on. He said that, based on the labs and our explanation of what we’ve been dealing with the last year, he felt like Naomi’s body is having difficulty processing an organic acid called Glutaric Acid. He was really straight up with us that he was giving us a presumptive diagnosis, but said he felt strongly that this was what was going on. The only way to definitively diagnose this disease is with a spinal tap, but since he didn’t feel like Naomi’s case was severe enough to warrant that, he told us to decrease the amount of protein that she gets in her diet and she will start taking something called Carnitine which is used to detoxify the brain. We had some more labs done today to cross off a couple of other things that could possibly be causing this and will be talking to Dr. Benke on the phone or via email when those results come in. Even though this is another presumptive diagnosis, we feel like this is the first time that a Dr. looked at us with certainty and told us what we were dealing with. He taught us how to treat it, expected it to be dealt with in this manor, and gave us instructions to determine if his assessment was wrong. He’s been in this specialty for 35 years and told us he was confident about this diagnosis and hoped that with this treatment we could avert the spinal tap and see our daughter well. He also finished by giving us a website that had 25-30 different metabolic specialists in Brazil that we could work with and was willing to communicate with them. We want to thank you all for your prayers and for being with us as we are continuing to walk this crazy journey. This is the first time that we have had a peace about a diagnosis and felt that everything Naomi has been going through was explained. We are very excited to be in this position and are thankful to have you all praying in our corner.
We love you all!!!
The Mersingers

Ode to the Boy

Anyone who knows us, understands that this year has been a difficult year for us. It's been good, much growth, much maturing, a tightening of our bonds as a family, but still hard! Most of that has centered around the challenges with Naomi's health. It's placed us in a position of ambiguity where we have to constantly remind ourselves that we do trust One who knows no ambiguity. With that said I wanted to celebrate someone special to us and make something clear that we haven't communicated well.

It could be possible that, with all the attention placed on Naomi, some might wonder if that little blonde boy in the pictures gets left out. Any of you who have had the pleasure of being geographically near to us know that such a reality is not a possibility. For those of you who haven't been around us much, I wanted to take some special time to celebrate our son, Caleb Samuel.

Many of you know that I wanted all girls. Not because I don't think boys are awesome, but because I was scared to be a father to a son, scared of my own insecurities, and frightened of my own inadequacies. I knew the strength of love and affections I held for my daughter, but feared that I would not know how to be the same for a son. My father and I had a horrible relationship growing up, it's gotten really good as I've gotten older, but I know that I'm capable of the same things my father was and feared to pass it on to another son of another generation. I fought that fear and laid it before the cross and begged for help, but still was unsure and afraid that I would fail this little life that popped out onto the back seat of my van on September 14, 2007.

The events of his birth endeared him to my immature, adventure-seeking, having a good story to tell persona, but the insecurities were still there. I had said with Naomi that children have an uncanny ability to root out your deepest insecurities, baggage, and issues and toss them out on display for the whole world. You can either hide from it or deal with it. With Caleb there was already so much bound up in me to be tugged at, and it didn't help that he came out looking like the mailman's kid. Thank Jesus I was a mailman at the time :). His first few weeks he was so much more difficult and couldn't keep food down. He vomited after every meal and left Shannon and I crying and exhausted, worried about his growth. He seemed clingy to Shannon (like most kids are to their moms) and I felt like he wanted nothing to do with me, which I recognized as a manifestation of my own baggage rather than any reality in the mind of an infant. In the midst of exhaustion, frustration, and worry it seemed like I was pressed with many excuses and reasons to reject him, to refuse to love, or to love with less intensity than I knew I was capable of. Every bit of selfishness was pressed with seemingly reasonable options for holding back, withdrawing, and writing off.

There have been many times in my life that I've known I was capable of horrible things, but since I've started to try to walk with Jesus, I've seen the reality and possibilities of what I'm capable of, are no match for abandonment to, and trust in, the One who is molding me into someone capable of love, especially love for others. I know what could have been, what hardness could have done to the bonds that I longed for with my son and now have realized. That would have been a different blog. As it stands, by grace, I set out to win my son's love. To pour out my heart for him and let it overflow even if I risked another bout with rejection.

When I began to stay home with the kids, Caleb was just about a year and a half old. It was a challenge with the two of them, much harder than when I had stayed at home with only Naomi during school. I began to notice the fears fading, loyalties arising, love strengthening. I knew I wanted a bond with my son that was healthy, strong, and affectionate. I recognized that I truly believed this only happened in movies, but at the end of the day it must be a reality that God longs for in all humanity. If we were meant to bare His image, and He is One who displays unconditional love for His Son, then could it be possible that He can enable us to represent His image by bearing that out?

As time went on, I began to see so much of myself in Caleb. Though we look nothing a like, our personalities are so similar. He is such an emotional being, fiery and passionate, but lacking self-control. I think that exact line was written on my Kindergarten report card. He is sensitive and caring, yet simultaneously guarded and defensive. I feel like I have such insight into how to love him because I understand how he wants to be loved. I understand what his fears are and why he gets confused. I understand what needs to be said even if it is not always what I want to say.

The hardest thing is recognizing how much he watches me, how he always sees what I am doing. He sees me as an example, but does he know how much I DON'T have it together? There's part of me that wants to try to "pull it together" to be an example, but more often I've simply sat down and shared with him how I struggle, then watch his 2 year old mind spin, relate it to a movie he likes, and compare it with how he doesn't want to stop punching people.

There is so much to this kid, more than words could write. As his 29 year old father, I rejoice sometimes when I look at him and see a 2 year old that is often more content in his identity than I am in mine. I thank God that I've had a role in that and pray that it remains so through elementary school, puberty, and the discovery of girls. Not that who he is is perfect, but that he knows where he is at in such a remarkable way.

Perhaps the best way to finish this celebration is to share a story and a picture or two. Caleb is sensitive and sweet, but he is also a warrior. It's a good thing and a bad thing, but in this case, a freaking adorable thing. He received a boppin bag for Christmas. He was not overly impressed, it was a piece of plastic in a box the size of a deck of cards. It took me about 45 minutes to get it blown up correctly (I didn't know you needed a water or sand base and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't stand up). He still wasn't overly impressed but came at my begging. I told him to punch it, and he did nonchalantly. As the bag rose up to meet him . . . here is what followed . . .

New Naomi Update

I'll try to keep this quick but comprehensive. Naomi had another episode on Wed, which started with her getting weak and then she had a seizure. When we called 911, she was already coming out of the seizure, but was transferred to Sarasota Memorial Hospital. We had spoke with her neurologist previously about the possibility of going down to Miami to meet with a geneticist there. They were unwilling to transfer Naomi to Miami because of the distance, so she was transferred immediately to All Children's Hospital. Unlike the other hospital trips, this time they began an EEG within an hour of arriving at ACH. This was the quickest EEG after an episode we have had... before this the earliest had begun 24 hours after the episode began. As we expected, the EEG showed nothing abnormal. Essentially nothing was "found" but some of the question marks were more definitively ruled out. They discharged Naomi last night and Caleb and I picked her and Shannon up from the hospital.

At this juncture we have a couple of things left to pursue. The geneticist at All Children's was not a specialist in metabolic genetics, so we still need to meet with the geneticist that our neurologist wanted us to consult in Miami. This is to rule out a couple of different possible genetic metabolic disorders. In addition to this, our neurologist at All Children's thinks there is a possibility that Naomi may be struggling with something called Alternating Hemiplegia of Childhood. It is a rare neurological disorder with less than 250 diagnosed cases worldwide. There is little research done but all indications are that it is not terminal and does not lessen life expectancy. The range of experience for people diagnosed with this is extremely varied, but many of them experience episodes that last for days or weeks (which is not the case with Naomi). There are several things that don't totally connect with this diagnosis, but will be researching a bit more about it and will bring it up to the geneticist when we see him.

We're kind of kicking ourselves for not following the food sensitivity diet more strictly during Easter, because then we could have ruled that out as a significant factor. As it stands, we feel strongly that we're on to something with the LEAP food sensitivity results. It may not be that any particular food is "causing" these issues, she may very well have some type of neurological disorder that we can't pinpoint. However, the LEAP test measures the reactivity of her immune system to particular foods. It may be that in exposing her to foods that weaken her immune system, it allows for more severe manifestations of this disorder... who knows? In either case, this provides us with a stronger motivation for sticking to these findings. The dietitian that was sent in to us at All Children's had never heard of LEAP but encouraged us to stick with it strictly if we noticed two months straight with no episodes or symptoms.

Thank you all so much for your prayers! We have felt strengthened throughout this particular event. We're a bit stressed but don't feel like a crash is coming, so please keep praying. After these hospital visits it normally seems like it takes two weeks for life to "reset". We're not feeling like that's the case right now, as we're doing pretty good right now and we're hoping it won't be like that this time but please keep praying. We are in Orlando right now for probably our last visit with many supporters and friends. Please keep praying as we press on towards Brazil and remain diligent in following out the process of obtaining all that we need to in regards to these issues with Naomi. Shannon and I were just remarking as she began walking around this morning sharing new toys with her brother, deciding which of her new toys could go to which of her friends when we leave for Brazil, and asking us significant, meaningful questions about these recent events; that each time she goes through this, she comes out more mature and stronger than before. It still scares the poop out of us when it happens, but we're thankful for Jesus' mercy in the midst of it all. As she was coming out of the seizure at the hospital, she began to cry out for Jesus to come. She's so young and has been through so much, but it is a mercy to know that in the midst of this she's already learning where to turn as she lies in the depths of darkness!

We love you all and are thankful that we have so many wonderful people who are choosing to live life with us -

The Mersingers