As I've sat at my laptop for the past couple of weeks burning my DVD collection onto a 5 inch by 3 inch 500 Gigabyte external hard drive that will travel in my pocket, I've had to contemplate what I'm sacrificing to be a missionary. For the past couple of years my life has been dominated largely by missionary biographies;
Bruchko, Jim Elliot, E. Stanley Jones, Amy Carmichael, Don Richardson, and others. Their stories have inspired me and allowed me to dream of all that God might have in store for me as I prepare to serve Him abroad. Coupled with this backdrop is our experiences on the support raising trail of so many encouraging brothers and sisters in Christ that continue to affirm all that we're giving up to follow out this hard and challenging calling upon our lives. But as the grind speeds up and our time comes nearer, my dreams and expectations have confronted a reality that looks very different. This has led me to two interesting assumptions that I want to share.
The first is that the world has changed. When we travel to the field it isn't on a boat or by camel, but on an airplane with an
in-flight movie. It's not first class, but I've never hopped that route so I don't know what I'm missing. We get off the plane in our "undeveloped country location" and see kids walking with I-pods and indigenous business people with laptops. I don't mean to minimize the intense poverty in so many parts of the world at all, but I can't help but notice that even in the poorest places things are different. Globalization has changed the world, in some ways good, in some ways bad, in other ways yet to be determined. Many places still lack the basic necessities to survive, but as for the place that God has called us to, we'll have running water, electric, and I won't have to wipe with my hand (thank you Jesus)!
Many people who know us well have mentioned the simplicity with which we live our lives. We do in part live this way out of a sense of calling, but if I'm to be honest, much of how we live is because we're cheap and frugal. It's possible for simplicity to be a mask for frugality, but I hope and believe that by the grace of God, He's taught us to be giving and generous also so that even our cheapness can be redeemed and our frugality given a Kingdom purpose. However, in a significant way, our lifestyle only makes traveling abroad easier on us and less of a sacrifice.
The only real sacrifice that I could think of was the physical distance created in our departing. Taking my kids away from their grandparents breaks my heart. I dreamed of having
Gramps and Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma shouting at Caleb's ballets and concerts and Naomi's wrestling matches. I got that mixed up, sorry, HA! In all seriousness, it's hard to envision missing out on Caleb's first T-ball swing and watching Grammy shout louder than everyone else in the stands. The reality is that Caleb probably won't play T-ball, but football, and not my favorite kind of football either (yet, anyways). There may not be uniforms, or referees, and competitiveness in South America might be such that the score doesn't matter. I don't know what it will look like, but I know that many of my hopes and dreams are held in check. On the other hand, we have
Skype. It's no substitute for a shoulder massage from Grandma over cookies and milk with the smell of Grandpa's cooking lingering in the kitchen. But they won't grow up clueless about their family back home. A relationship can be maintained even if the conditions aren't ideal. So even in this area of sacrifice there is comfort available that was unthinkable previously.
I'm sure there are things
unthought of and undiscovered. There are pains that await us that we have not considered. I don't want to minimize the challenges that so many face in following out their calling abroad, but I don't want to trump up some idealized notion of us preparing to go and suffer greatly for Jesus. This leads to my second assumption.
My second assumption is that for all that has changed, there is a common calling that runs deeper than external issues of comfort and familiarity. I assume that if you had asked Jim Elliot what it was like suffering for Jesus, he would've spoken with nothing but great joy over the calling God had given him. Like Paul, so many of them counted all things as loss so they might gain Christ. In the end perhaps all of these things that seem like sacrifice and seem so difficult, are just superficial trimmings that mean little when we find ourselves walking in obedience to the Call. Though many who went before us paid dearly, with their lives even, to carry the gospel abroad; most of them lived lives of such intense purpose that they could have had no greater joy than to engage in the work set before them.
For a long time, I found my identity in being one who was willing to suffer. Over the past few years, I have been led by the Lord to find my identity solely in being His Son. In being a child of the King who is willing to live my life by the values of the Kingdom in the place and way He has prepared for me. I WAS CREATED FOR THIS! Shannon was created for this!! Naomi and Caleb were created for this!!! I'm sure there will be blogs down the road that share griefs, struggles, heartaches, and even suffering. But they won't be the icing on the top, they won't even be part of the cake. They are the tears that will be wiped away and remembered no more. What will last will be the excitement over the race that we're running, and eventually it's completion.
