Mersinger Zoo

A Brazilian Birth Experience

2011-09-10T15:32:00.005-04:00

So, while I was in the hospital, sitting around having some good alone time with Jordan, I decided that it would probably be helpful for me to process some of the things that happened the day before and so I jotted some things down in a journal and wanted to use this blog to continue processing through some of the cultural things I encountered during this experience. After my previous 2 births, I thought this one would probably end up being boring, even though I was having him in another country and I was still very much learning the language… but I was wrong. So I made a list of some of the things that were different for this birth than for the others:

1 – My first 2 births were done in the comfort of my own home (or van) with people I knew and trusted, who really cared for me. Jordan's was in the DIScomfort of a hospital, surrounded by people who I had never met, who were just doing their job, and didn't even seem to enjoy it.

2 – I was warm (even in Dec in KY). Steve and I were joking on the way up about the hospital having heat (because it was about 30 degrees outside) because, of course they have heat in a well known, popular birthing hospital in Curitiba – it’s not like we’re in the jungle… NOPE. And not only did they NOT have heat, but when I got up into my room, my windows were open. Then they give me a “gown”(if you can even call it that) to put on and told me to take everything else off. All that to say, I spent the majority of my labor shivering like crazy and very uncomfortable.

3 – No IV & no meds. Since my doctor ended up inducing my labor because I was over 41 weeks, I had an IV for the first time. Overall I could care less about IVs… I used to give them to myself when I was practicing as a new nurse, but the nurses insisted that I needed it in my AC (for all you nurses out there) which is just the area right where your elbow bends, which meant I couldn’t move my arm & had to keep it straight the entire time I was in labor. The first IV I was given came out of the vein, which meant that the medicine I should’ve been getting for the first 1&1/2 hours was just going into my arm and not into where it was supposed to be going. None of this is a huge deal, it just made things less natural and more annoying for me than anything. And as far as meds go, there was just an expectation that I would take whatever the doc ordered because he is like a god here. So, after the birth, the doc ordered a med to stop my bleeding, and so instead of letting me breastfeed (which does the same thing as the med), they took my baby away from me and gave me a shot in my butt – in the middle of a hallway right at the entrance of the surgery center… good times!

4 – Much less explaining, coaching. My doc was pretty quiet – not sure whether it was because I didn’t speak Portuguese fluently or just because he’s a quiet guy – but there were several things during the labor that I would’ve been much happier if he had explained before doing them (you don’t want me to go into detail about this one ;).

5 – Number of advocates. Well, this is probably one of the biggest ones that I was feeling as we were on our way to the hospital. I was talking to Steve in the taxi and lamenting that I felt like it was me and him against the world. I felt like no one else was on our side in regards to having this baby naturally. I have never had this feeling before, because with my other 2 births I had an amazing support system… midwives who cared for me and my baby, other moms who had given birth naturally, my friends and family. This time I felt like I was going to have to fight about everything (which was kinda the case, but there were things I couldn’t fight and just gave in on – more on that later). Also, I was missin’ my momma. My mom was able to be at both of my kid’s births… Naomi by accident, because she was a week late. And she actually caught Caleb in the back of our van, so she has been an integral part of my birthing experiences, and a part that was missed greatly this time around. Steve was AMAZING & I couldn’t have done it without him – he was a great encourager, advocate, and back pusher J. He knows me so well that he kept all of his jokes in when my legs were being strapped into the stirrups with ace bandages and tape and stayed calm when I was yelling at the doctor in English, and he kept himself from flipping out on the doc when he gave me medicine through my IV without asking or even telling me.

6 – I had to die to some of my desires. With the other births, I had options to find doctors/midwives who have similar opinions as me, so when I made my desires known to them, they understood and respected them. Jordan, at one day old, has already had more vaccinations than his almost 4 year old brother. I was given a shot to slow bleeding after the doc sowed me up, but breastfeeding my baby would’ve done the same thing – instead, I had to be away from him for 2 hours while they had him downstairs in the nursery. Not that I could ever come close to understanding what it feels like to lose a baby at full term, but this time away from him became a time for me to grieve for those who don’t get to look forward to holding their babies when the pain remains after the birth.

I know I’ve been focusing on a lot of the negatives of Jordan’s birth, but there were very good things that came out of this experience. Because I was induced, this was my shortest labor, at just over 3 hours of hard labor - Caleb's was 8 hours & Naomi's 24. Also, even though I was missing my family like crazy, I was able to spend really good one-on-one time with Jordan for the first couple of days because I had to stay in the hospital for the first 48hours. But most importantly, after all is said and done, here is the best thing that came from the whole experience:

A healthy, beautiful baby boy!

I freakin' love our kids!!

2011-07-11T08:11:00.007-04:00

So, I was away for part of the day yesterday at an annual outreach that the church does here, and when I got home I had been missing my family. It's interesting how your outlook changes when you're away for a time, even a short time, so after we put the kids down last night, I was reminiscing on how much I love my kids, so I thought I'd let you in on how awesome my little ones are.

I love that Caleb sat at the dinner table last night, quoting Rio with Naomi... they went back and forth for 5 minutes quoting every line, word-for-word. And if I tried to cut in, I was corrected with the exact words that were spoken (my loose translation just wasn't good enough).

I love that Naomi "read" to Caleb last night for almost a half an hour... she definitely isn't quite reading yet, especially in English, but they've heard the stories enough that she was able to get through the books with the general concept, and Caleb just ate it up!

I love that Caleb asks me all the time when baby JellyBelly is coming, he's so excited to be a big brother and have a little baby around that he can love on.

I love that the kids are each other's best friends... well, at least most days :)

I love that Naomi's prayer last night was, "Jesus, thank you for mommy, daddy, Caleb, JellyBelly and everyone. And thank you that you came and died on a cross for us, even when you didn't have to." Neither Steve nor I had talked to her at all about this during the day. I just love when we get glimpses into our kids hearts and minds when they are praying - it's such a cool gift!

I love that both of our kids are just normal kids too... they get into trouble for fighting with each other and they can be selfish and manipulative, but overall I think they're pretty fabulous & I'm blessed that I get to be their mother. I'm thankful for this season of our lives when I can spend most of my time with them (although I can't say there aren't days when I want to get away for a little while) and I can't wait until the newest addition arrives, in just about 5 more weeks or so! We can't wait to meet you, little Jordan!

Update on life

2011-07-04T07:23:00.008-04:00

First of all, I just wanted to apologize for our distance for the last couple months… we have had a lot going on, with visitors and traveling, and have found that we are very reluctant to be on the computer when there is opportunity for community in front of us. So, a little (well, maybe big) update on lots of stuff that’s been happening to/with us these last couple months... first, to start the month of May out, our Pastoral Care staff from The Mission Society, Lauren & JoAnn Helveston came and stayed with us for a week. It was a great opportunity to share life with them and get to have some good, deep discussions about our life and ministry here. During that time, we took a trip over to Morretes (the city we’ll be moving to in September) and had a good opportunity to talk about expectations for us at the children’s home and get to know the staff and kids a little bit more

The same day Lauren & JoAnn left, our good friends, Mason & Melody Reedy came to stay with us for the last 3 weeks that we were in Brazil. During the time they were here, we had the opportunity to experience our first American short-term missions team, got to hang in the favela and at friend's houses with them... it was so great to see how quickly our Brazilian friends fell in love with them. It was also really cool for Steve to get to show them where we're going to move and get to introduce them to some of the kids we'll be working with at the children's home in Morretes. We were blessed that they were with us on the day that we left to return to the States. Naomi woke in an episode, and they prayed for us and were a source of support during that rough time. Overall, they were a huge blessing and we are thankful that they chose to take 3 weeks out of their time to come spend with our family!

Time in the US:

Left with the girl in an episode, which was an experience all in and of itself… not sure how smart it was getting on an airplane and increasing the pressure in her brain while she was in the episode, but we did it anyways… it added some crazy amount of work to travel, but I’m glad we did it. She came out of the episode right before we got on our long flight to Panama, which was an answer to prayer for me, and the pressure didn’t seem to affect her in any way. We arrived in Florida at 1am and were picked up by my mom, sister Jackie, and brother Kedrick. Thankfully, both kids are amazing at being able to sleep anywhere, so after the letdown of finding out they had to sit in carseats (it had been a whole year since they’d even seen one), and the excitement wore off of getting to hang with family, they were fast asleep.

The rest of that next week was spent catching up with loved ones and getting ready for Steve’s brother’s wedding because Saturday was the big day! The kids were so excited to get to be the flower girl and “sword bearer” at the wedding. Uncle Scott had carved a piece of driftwood into a sword for Caleb to carry the rings with, which turned out really cool; and the fact that Caleb didn’t injure anyone as he walked down the aisle made it even better J. The kids did an amazing job at the wedding and even into the late hours of the night as we got to celebrate with Scott & Liz at the reception.

The next week was filled with continuing to catch up with people we hadn’t seen in a year and then we began our travels to Orlando & Jacksonville. We stayed with our dear friends, Joe & Mindy Eichorn, and their little ones – Natalie & Nicholas, and had a great time. They were gracious enough to open their house for us to have people come and hang with us there, which allowed us to see a bunch more people than we would've in the short time we were there. We are so blessed to have such dear friends that we can connect with, even when we haven't seen them in a long time.

From there we headed to Jacksonville to stay with some dear friends there and visit their church where the atmosphere is an open and loving place. The couple of days before we got there had been a hard and exhausting time for us, as our precious daughter had 3 episodes in 3 days. We were pretty much at a loss for what to do from there because we had been as strict on the diet as we could possibly be, and she was having more problems as a result of it, so we decided that if the diet wasn't helping then we would take her off of it and let the poor girl eat. So we did. Her first meal on a "normal" diet was at Firehouse Subs and I actually cried watching her eat... she was SO excited just to get to eat a sub again! I think she ate the thing down in 3 bites, all the while giggling and announcing to everyone that she was eating a sub. It's now been 3 weeks since we started her back on this regular diet and she has been doing great! We were able to have several restful days in Jacksonville, while we hung out with friends and vegged, and then headed back toward Venice. We decided to stop back in Orlando to shorten the trip for the kids and also allow us to see a couple more friends that we weren't able to see on the way up. We had plans, before Naomi's episodes, to travel up to GA and see some friends and visit The Mission Society, but decided it would be wiser for us to have some down time and not return back to Brazil more tired than when we left.

The last week seemed to fly by, as we were making last-minute purchases and making sure we had everything we would need for when the baby comes. We were thankful to be able to spend some good quality time with our friends, Sarah & Anthony and the kids were ecstatic to be able to wake up and play with their son, Abraham while we were staying there, who is one of their best friends. Also, Naomi got to have a princess sleepover with another good friend of hers, which pretty much made the trip for Naomi. We were also able to have a quick lunch with our soon-to-be intern, Brittany, and it was great getting to know her a little bit - we really look forward to working/living life with her when she gets down to Curitiba. We're so blessed by the friends we have and were grateful for the time we had to see some of you... and bummed at the same time that we didn't get to see everyone that we wanted, but thankfully we'll be back in December and will get to spend time with others that we didn't get to see on this trip.

Our trip back was a little less eventful than the one coming to the States, but was much longer as our first flight was cancelled and we were sent up to Atlanta for a 9+ hour layover. This actually turned out to be a blessing, as we were able to hop over to The Mission Society office and hang with some wonderful people there for a couple hours. It was a good time and the kids did a great job traveling. After that, we were homebound and other than being absolutely exhausted when we got home, everything went great. We're so blessed to have such great travelers, and we're praying that this next little guy is as good as the other 2 - guess we'll find out in December :)

Will try to be better about keeping up on here as much will be happening in our life in the coming months. Thank you all for walking this journey with us and for your prayers... we are more and more aware of our need for them every day that passes.

The Heart Attack of Senhor Flavio

2011-04-22T10:52:00.007-04:00

After the past couple of weeks, we thought this humorous story fitting. More serious posts to come, but for now . . .

Senhor Flavio is our landlord. He's the man to whom we pay rent. He's Brazilian, but his German roots and accompanying obsessive compulsiveness and control issues are very apparent in nearly everything he does. I'm not sure if it's better now that we can communicate more effectively, it was much nicer when we could just nod and smile and wonder why he walked away shaking his head.

When you ask a question to Senhor Flavio's children, he answers for them. His youngest is 28. Senhor Flavio washes EVERYTHING, even dirt. I can't explain this in English, we have our clean freaks, but this man shames them all. We are the Mersingers, clean is a relative term, imagine the context.

So I'm sitting on my bed this morning rubbing my feet, still jet-lagged and exhausted from this past week. Have had a wonderful time back with Shannon and the kids, arrived to see Naomi speaking about 50% more Portuguese than when I left. I think she's about caught up to us in just the past week.

As I was sitting I hear a "scream" of sorts. I recognize my name mixed in with some new interjections. I run out to see Senhor Flavio ascending the stairs screaming "my wall, my wall, my beautiful wall"!

One more interjection, they don't have chalk here in Brazil, that we've seen, certainly not the kind that kids use to color walls and roads with.

He arrives nearly in tears, asking me what we let happen. Pointing and screaming at the mural that Naomi and Caleb began their day drawing. He says "it is ugly, it's so UGLY, it's ruined, I will have to repaint everything". I began to explain that it is children's chalk and that it will come right off. He screams, "NEVER, I've already tried, it is there forever, it's SO UGLY, I will have to repaint everything the entire wall, because it will have to match the new paint". I apologized and took his feelings sincerely, but kindly asked for five minutes to try myself.

I now know what the face of Martha looked like when she received her brother Lazarus back from death. It was like Senhor Flavio's when I clapped my hands downstairs from his kitchen and called him out to observe. He beamed, his precious wall was saved. He thanked me over and over, said that he was so scared, and so amazed at how we restored it so quickly.

So, thank you Sarah Reynolds for the chalk. However, we won't be using it anymore in this location. It's not worth killing our landlord over. Somehow he still likes us, even though we're a terror to his precious environment.

It was a huge disappointment for the kids, so we had a whole morning explaining property rights and the Kingdom of God to our 5 and 3 year olds. That Jesus loved their work and all IS truly His, but we also live in a broken place with OCD old men and from this perspective it is his wall and we can't draw on it anymore. Caleb refuses to concede and spent an hour lamenting his loss, Naomi struggled also, but made up a song that she told us is entitled the Mourning Song, and after singing it to the wall as she sat on our steps, is feeling better.

I could create a new blog centering on our adventures with Senhor Flavio, but though it might interest some others, it's just become a bore for us, but at least a humorous bore.

The Baby Name Game

2011-04-09T13:40:00.002-04:00

So . . . for the first time, we aren't set on a name three years ahead of time. We were, but Steve changed his mind. If it were a girl, we were set. However, baby Buzz Lightyear Optimus Prime Mersinger threw a wrench in that. Caleb is serious about this name, Naomi insists a baby brother named Hannah will make her happy enough.

The challenge at this stage in the game, is that we have to find a name that works in two languages. Steve LOVES the name Seth, and is really pushing for it. However, Brazilians CAN NOT make the TH sound, at any place in any word. It's extremely hard for them, so Seth, Adam and Eve's third son, is translated in the Bibles here as Sete. Kind of sounds like sechee. Steve likes the symbolism, Seth, the renewal of creation after Cain and Abel, after all of the loss that we've had, this kid brings hope for a new start. The biggest problem for me, the Portuguese word sete is the number 7! Steve even went as far to argue that this is fine because, counting miscarriages, Seth would be number 7 for us! Sorry, I'm not naming my baby Seven. It might have helped my dad, since he refers to us by number anyways, but I just can't let that fly.

The initial name we had agreed upon was Isaiah, but Steve changed his mind and doesn't like it anymore. We're trying to stick with Bible names, but I won't let Steve go with Heman, Goliath, Sampson, or any of the extremely odd ones like Elkiniah. Meaning is important to us, but so is our kid not being a prime candidate for wedgies based solely upon his name.

The middle name is settled, it'll be Daniel, in honor of our good friend Danny Smith. Sorry to any other Daniel's out there, we wanted to be honest, but you can rejoice in the fact that you weren't part of a conversation that went something like . . . I could never give my kid the name Daniel because of Daniel . . . . So again, Rejoice! :)

We've kind of whittled it down to three options at this point, though the book is still open, and we are receiving suggestions. Jordan Daniel (this is the closest we've both come to agreeing, the problem is the translation Jordão (JordOW) is only used as the river), we've been told it could fly if we don't translate and just tell people Jordan, they'll still have trouble pronouncing a little bit but it could work as a name. The next is Simon Daniel, we're not crazy in love with the name, but it fits here, even the translation Simão (SeemOW). Finally, a name both of us love, but don't necessarily want to give to our kid, but it works great in both languages, Gabriel Daniel.

Your thoughts???

Glutaric Acidemia - MOST BORING BLOG EVER

2011-04-05T13:18:00.003-04:00

I hope that you will forgive the "monthly phone call from Grandma" format I've chosen to go with. I don't believe that anyone particularly enjoys an onslaught of medical diagnosis descriptions, however, since so many of you have invested your time and prayer into the life of our daughter, we thought this would be the best way to give a comprehensive update. If you're already up to date, or simply not interested, please feel free to grab our blessing and insistence to pass on this and run!

It was a great comfort to us as we were preparing to leave that we came face to face with nothing but encouragement and blessings from all of those who support us. From our church, our friends, our cheerleaders. We had expected, to be honest, more than a few comments tossed out such as "looks like God's trying to tell you guys something". It was hard enough to go through everything, we were thankful that we didn't meet any of that. We believe that the Lord does move like that, we know a plethora of faithful people who planned to head to the mission field or were there, and were called back to their home country because of a health issue in the family. However, for us in particular, we consistently felt affirmation and confirmation to move ahead with this call upon our lives to do mission work here in Brazil.

Since arriving, we've met nothing but deeper confirmation that we were thinking of what was best for our daughter and being faithful as well. The medical system in the States is good, we were very thankful for the care we received. However, for Naomi's condition in particular, we met the one doctor in Miami who made an amazing presumptive diagnosis, and no one else had ever heard of it. To be fair, they've estimated less than 100 people have this disorder in the whole of the United States, it's skewed towards native tribal populations, and the majority of the cases are of a severe nature that leaves the child dead before the age of 3. To be defensive, Shannon and I are not related, we've checked on ancestry.com :).

Since arriving here in Brazil, we've made contact with four different doctors who had intimate knowledge of this particular genetic disorder. While it is still a "presumptive" diagnosis, we picked up an order yesterday for a lab to be drawn that will give conclusive results. It's a complete genetic analysis that our Brazilian insurance will cover, that is not done in the states for less than the lifeblood of the person you want to cure (it's expensive).

To top that, we met with a nutriologist (don't think we have those back home) it's a nutritionist who is also a licensed and practicing doctor. She had intimate knowledge of Glutaric Acidemia and put together a diet plan for us. This is where this blog gets juicy, at least as juicy as a blog written about glutaric acidemia can get.

Naomi has had much fewer and less severe episodes since we've arrived. Four major ones, with a bit of paralysis, but no seizures. The first two because we were still learning to read food labels, assumed pasta was safe, and fed her bowls full of noodles made from eggs, not with, from! We took her to the hospital once to get the ball rolling with the doctors here, but the rest we road out at home, with seizure medication as a back up, and just waited for it to pass. She's continued to develop fine, has started school, and everything had been pretty great. Though she had started to wet her bed again, for a few months straight, and would weaken considerably after a half hour of running or playing she would lose her ability to walk properly and we'd have to carry her home.

Since visiting with this Nutriologist, we learned that it is not just animal proteins or meat, cheese, and egg that we must avoid, but protein in general. Specifically, limit her to fifteen grams per day. Even more important, the particular amino acids Tryptophan and Lysine (which form glutaric acid, the thing her body can't process normally) are what we needed to focus on. The diet plan we were given was built around the limitation of Lysine to 2000mg per day.

The rough news is, the things that we were using as staples, potatoes, rice, beans, and bananas all of the sudden hit the prohibited list. They're extremely low in protein, but the protein they do have is composed of Lysine and Tryptophan. Even in cutting out major proteins, the things we were leaning on were still creating a toxic environment in her body. So for the past month we've been diving into new foods, new recipes, new torture devices to force vegetables down her fried chicken loving little throat. j/k. She's taken to it wonderfully, even though she's expressed sadness over losing yet more foods. For the past month, she's had energy out the wazoo again, can run for hours without any strange side effects, she's quit wetting her bed, and her only "issue" was a little five minute loss of speech and movement on this past Saturday because her teacher forgot about our requests and gave her some chocolate cake for a class party.

All in all we really feel as though we've gotten a handle on all of this. Most of the research we've done says that a case as mild as hers is easily manageable. It's not something that she'll ever grow out of, but as she grows and her weight increases, in most cases the metabolic crises cease as well.

We just ask that you'd continue to join us in prayer, we still would love to see an act of complete healing and our little girl stuffing pizza down her face again someday. Even more important for our mental sanity, that this genetic analysis confirms the diagnosis, and if not, that I restrain myself from going Sampson on our block of four apartments here, calling all of our Brazilian neighbors Philistines, and trying to bring the roof down with my forehead.

A very late post from our hospital experience

2011-03-03T07:21:00.005-05:00

So, as most of you know, Naomi had an episode a little over a month ago and we decided to take her to the ER so that we could start the process of having her seen by docs here in Brazil. Thankfully, the pastor we work under was able to drive us to the children's hospital and be there with us.

When we arrived at the ER, we were taken directly to the triage area and evaluated by the people there (I never really know who I'm dealing with because they don't introduce themselves... an interesting concept for me, but what do ya do?)and sent to see an ER doc for the initial evaluation. When we arrived in this room, Naomi was in a part of her episodes that have been the most difficult for me... it's about 1/2 hour into the episode and she normally has been sleeping for a couple minutes and when she wakes up she cries for a some time and then falls back asleep... this normally lasts for between an hour or 2, but she is absolutely inconsolable during this part of the episode and this time in the ER shed some light on what might be happening during this period to make her this way. As the doc was evaluating her, he stood her on the floor and the first thing she did was put her hands up in front of her face like she was trying to protect herself and she slowly laid herself down on the floor and got in the fetal position. After this, the doctor asked me to call her, and so standing about 3 feet away, I started calling her name and telling her I was there... the doc stood her up and this time she started walking in circles, crying, with her hands up by her face still. It appeared that her senses were totally shut down... I don't think she could see or hear me and it was probably the worst feeling in the world! It was everything in me not to bawl my eyes out!

Well, from there we sat in the ER for about another 2 hours, spoke to a couple more docs who decided to admit her and then moved up to our room for the night. Because of some craziness with our Brazilian insurance, we ended up being admitted under the Brazilian national health insurance.

Besides the fact that we're definitely still learning Portuguese, there were many other things that made the visit somewhat (ok, a lot) more uncomfortable than past hospitalizations. Here's a few of those things:

-Instead of the ACH suite, we were in a roughly 8'x 10' room with no A/C to be shared with two other patients. The kids all stuffed into tiny baby cribs and the parents left with a chair that could recline more if the room were bigger.
-About an hour before bed the moms left and the dads arrived to spend the night, so I spent the night with two other men and woke up about every fifteen minutes after accidental games of footsies.
-I was only allowed to keep a tiny plastic bag of my own stuff in Naomi's room with us because of infection control purposes.
-Since the rooms were so small, only one adult was allowed in the room at a time, except for the 1 hour visitation period between 2pm and 3pm. Whoever was staying was identified by these hideous smocks that had to be worn at all times. I got yelled at by security because I had it draped over my shoulder, and it had to be worn PROPERLY.

But there were also blessings that accompanied this interesting time in the hospital and they were as follows:

-I got to meet 2 new Brazilian couples who were really cool, and had some good conversations with them, which was encouraging in regards to how well I'm picking up Portuguese.
-We got to pray for one of Naomi's roommates who was going in for brain surgery the day we were discharged... she had been in the hospital for 2 months already and was a sweet little 3 year-old girl.
-We were able to get connected with some other doctors who are knowledgeable about Glutaric Acidemia (the genetic problem they think Naomi has) and have been able to become more knowledgeable also, which has been fabulous.

Well, if you're still there, thanks for hanging in this long. And thank you even more, for walking this crazy journey with us! We wouldn't be able to do it without the amazing support of those who love us!
Tchau, for now.

They Might Buy Food

2011-02-04T14:42:00.004-05:00

I wanted to take a second to reflect on something that I wrestle with. Specifically to give or not to give, when you're encountered on the street by someone who is begging. Almost anyone who lives in a large city or has traveled abroad has to wrestle continually with what to do in these situations. Many people develop a rule or a consistent pattern for dealing with this, whether to never give, to always give, to never give money, to always give whatever. I'm not writing this to criticize a particular perspective or to give my opinion on what is the best, but simply to share out of my struggle.

I was walking to buy some groceries a couple of weeks ago and this guy came riding up to me on a bike. He skids to a stop, hops off, limps and says "brother, brother, I need 2 bucks to get some bandages for my leg". He then lifts up his Jean legs and shows me this horrifying gash about the length AND width of my forearm running down his leg. There's maggots and flies in it and it was everything in me not to vomit. When I was younger, I would've just started emptying my wallet. It saddens me to say that the years and some hurtful experiences have hardened me. I know in many ways it can be for the better, but still, I stared at this obvious need and paused. I knew in my head, and have met in experience, people whose addiction is so deep that they're capable of doing something this atrocious to themselves just to up the anty in pursuing their fix.

As I stood there staring, thoughts ran through my head. The predominant one, a line of thought that I can't stand, "he might buy drugs, he might buy alcohol, he might use it for something bad and then you're supporting that". It's true, he might. Then a thought I've heard less frequently, but one that is more dear to my heart "he might buy food, he might buy the bandages, he might get some water". It's always easier to hold onto the first thought, because you can walk away feeling safe, even if you were wrong.

For me, I don't have a pattern. I fight with all my heart and soul to keep from developing one. I try, as cliché as it might sound, to really let Jesus lead me in these circumstances. Yet, nearly every situation, whether I give or withhold, I walk away. Sometimes I have a sense of peace, sometimes I don't. Developing a pattern would be easier, it might make me feel better, but I feel (at least for myself) that this agonizing and wrestling is a good place where Jesus meets me, a place where He wants me to be.

If I still feel bad, I stay thankful that I'm not in a position like an old missionary to Hong Kong named Jackie Pullinger constantly found herself in. She ministered in the walled city, one of the dingiest red light/drug districts you could find yourself in. She earned the trust of the people and has a powerful ministry to opium addicts. She writes in her book, Chasing the Dragon, about some of the guys who came to trust her coming and asking her for money. They were straight up honest, they were going to use it to buy drugs. The simple answer is NO! I'm a missionary, of course I won't give it to you for that. Yet, she knew these guys well, knew the context, understood the whole picture. She was their last resort, if she didn't give, they were heading out of the walled city to mug, and often murder, someone to get the cash they needed for their fix. To give, was to support the drug habit and impending death of her friend in front of her, but to not give might cost the life of someone else. She said, she never stopped wrestling with what she should do.

Ano Novo, Vida Nova

2011-01-05T11:36:00.004-05:00

New Year, New Life! It does feel extremely refreshing to "fit in" again, not that fitting in is something we've done very well anywhere we've been. Yet, to feel adjusted, comfortable, and even sometimes understood in our new environment has brought the stress and tension way down and started to make life feel "normal" again.

It was tough being away from family and friends through this first holiday season. But we've really had a blast and taken full advantage of the opportunities presented to us in the midst of this. The first challenge in this has been the weather. While many people would miss cold Christmases, it's never been something we've counted on growing up in Florida. Yet, several weeks into summer, we've hit the 80's today for about the fifth time. This city is cold!!! So for us, it was a cold Christmas.

The second challenge, and most shocking thing to us, is how this city empties during this time of year. Curitiba has roughly 3 million people. It's the 6th largest city of Brazil. However, because the retirement of Brazilians is provided for socially, the main type of investment for anyone with any kind of money is in real estate, specifically, on the coast. So when you have the colossal collision of Christmas, New Years, and Summer Break for school kids, everyone heads for the coast. Because of this, tons of people get laid off within the city, or put on break from their jobs. They also head for the beach towns where seasonal employment opportunities explode. It's a strange dance, an odd cultural pattern that we're living in the midst of.

With all that said, most of our friends bailed mid-December and said they'd see us again in February. Thankfully, a few of our friends, seeing that we'd be alone for Christmas, invited us to come crash on their sister's floor in a beach town called Itapóa. So we hopped a bus on Christmas eve and stayed four days down in Itapóa in a state south of here called Santa Catarina. It was beautiful, reminded us a bit of home, and gave us the opportunity to rest, enjoy the beach, and pass the holiday with dear friends. It also provided for us the opportunity to celebrate Brazilian style.

It's a shock to us that Brazilians don't seem to suffer holiday fatigue, especially given that Brazil has seemingly, at least one holiday per week. I've always loved holidays, and felt something special during these stations of life, but like most people I know within our own culture, they wear you down. My birthday is Dec. 23 and my mom's is Dec. 6 so we started the festivities at Thanksgiving and continued on through New Year's, it was always such a full time of the year. My poor brother whose birthday arrives on January 12, each year, normally got a few gifts in the mail and people complaining or making excuses why they couldn't make a birthday party for him, they were just too worn out!

I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting during this season, and my mind has continually drifted towards Jesus' teachings regarding the Sabbath - was it made for man or man made for it. I think holidays can be reflected on in the same way, do they exist for us or do we exist for them. Too often in my life, it's become the latter. I've come to exist for the holidays, offer my life in service to its' success and completion, and come out of it worn, exhausted, and glad only that it is over and won't have to be done again for a while.

While there are some styles of Brazilian celebration, traditions, and customs that are different and interesting and enjoyable; the main thing that has stuck out to me is the attitude. It's now January 5th and walking to the grocery store and back I had four people tell me felicidades or feliz ano novo. My attitude the past four days was, "really, dude, it's over, move on". In my mind, you say Happy New Year on the first, check that off of your list, and the next day move on, already having screwed up on your resolutions, accepting that life is just life and it was just another day. But I'm learning something from the people here, who see this time of year as charged with opportunities of genuine change and transformation in their lives.

I was buying some bread yesterday afternoon and a man was talking with the owner and asking him about some problems that had been going on. He laughed and smiled and said "ano novo, vida nova". New year, new life. He didn't say it with skepticism or cynicism, but hope and expectation. It rocked me and encouraged me, it's contagious. I want to walk in that childlike faith again that can look at something as simple as a "special day" and bring meaning and hope out of the heart of it and use it.

When I get back to . . .

2010-10-28T13:58:00.002-04:00

Over the last couple of months, we've noticed something very evident in the life of our daughter. If her life was a song, the chorus would begin with these words "when I get back to . . . ".

Due to her health struggles, she's had to learn some difficult restraint for a 4 year old. One of the first Portuguese phrases she learned was "não posso ter proteinas" - I can't have proteins. We've watched time after time as her friends in Vila Pantanal have shoved cookies, cake, or cheetos in her face only to see her stand confident and recite her phrase. It breaks our heart, well mostly mine... Shannon has a stronger confidence that not eating crap food is a good thing for her, while I view it as a devastating tragedy. But enough of my issues.

One of the constant conversations around the dinner table has begun like this . . . "Daddy, when I get back to eggs, I'm going to be so happy!" or "Daddy, when I get back to cheeseburgers, I'm going to eat six at one time!" She never says this complaining or frustrated, but with a simple tone of hope and expectation rising out of a place of contentment. She's handled it much better than I ever could have. The tone changes slightly on tougher days when a different verse is sung that goes more like this . . . "Daddy, when I get back to the United States, I'm going to play dress up with Hannah because I miss her so much!"

Out of these simple conclusions, I've come to the conclusion that my daughter is one of the world's most brilliant theologians. Ok, I'm good at overstating things, but at least I'm confident that she's on the way. The longing and desire for things to be as they should be, even as she rests content in the midst of this challenge, is an example that I'm trying to learn to follow.

I know that life is not what it's supposed to be, I know that this world, all of us as a people, were created for more than what I see daily on the streets. Too often in my life, I've let this fact draw me into frustration and lead me towards a life of complaining, moping, pouting, and the occasional temper tantrum.

The first time I was struck with the reality that this world was not what it was meant to be was my first trip to Haiti. Driving through the streets as the stench of sewage washed into the streets and the sight of blocks of landfills full of people picking through the trash slammed my senses, I caught the gaze of a lady staring back into my eyes. I noticed her humanity, she wasn't just an object on the side of the road, but had flesh, feelings, and thoughts like I did, she was made in the image of God. Up until that point, I assumed that this dump of a life was all people like her had ever known. So, not knowing anything better, they probably were content in this life because they knew no better. But when I locked eyes with this lady, I knew, she knew, she was meant for more. They all were. We all are. Even the comfort and luxuries of life in the States come with aches, pains, frustrations and brokenness.

My deepest hope and desire is to see the Kingdom of God in all of its fullness. Lion laying with lamb, peace in fullness on a recreated Earth, with Jesus leading and guiding all the world in His physical presence. But now, I wrestle in the tension. I don't live in hopelessness, because I believe His Kingdom is already here, inbreaking, coming forth. But I know there's more to be had. I long for all humanity to experience the moment WHEN WE GET BACK TO . . . what it was all meant to be in the first place.

When Naomi speaks of what she wants to get back to, it sends me off into a daze, thinking about the things that I long for in the same way. Sometimes it is just very simple things. To sit and sip a freezing cold beer in a world free of alcoholism, addiction, and abuse. To enjoy the fruit of creation in this form without concern that I'll cause trouble for someone else and send them spiraling into a pattern of life that wrecks and wastes theirs and the lives of those they love. Jesus said at the last supper that He wouldn't taste wine again until He drank it anew with those He loved at the consummation of His eternal Kingdom. I know there's going to be some shock for some there who have embraced certain valid callings in this life. But I can't wait to hear the roar of laughter at the freedom we'll experience as we begin to tip back the greatest wine we've ever tasted!

Other times, it's very situational. When I get back to being understood. Most of this has been brought to mind by the simple fact of language acquisition. However, there's a deeper longing there that I've learned all about through my very cross-cultural marriage to my hygienically questionable neo-hippie! We've always had a great marriage, are madly in love, and yet have forever spoken two different dialects of the same language. Communication has always been our weak point, even though we've gotten a lot better. We can almost communicate with each other as well as we communicate with the Brazilians here, almost. But there is this longing, to be understood. Scripture talks of a time when we will fully know as we are fully known. Often we emphasize the excitement of being able to fully know, especially us Americans, we value information. It's legit, to grasp, understand, and appreciate, every scar, every pain, every moment of frustration . . . to see it redeemed, painted, and infiltrated with meaning and significance. It is legit. At the same time, for me, there's just this deeper desire to grasp what it would be like to be fully known . . . fully understood, fully accepted, fully appreciated (and to receive that without doubts or confusion).

However, too much of the time lately, it's serious emotional things. As my beautiful brown-eyed whacko starts to speak of "when I get back to" my heart pounds out the deep emotional yearnings of "when I get back to" watching you, my beloved little daughter, run and dance and play. When I get back to hearing you sing, listening to your jokes, watching you climb the monkey bars without this nagging incessant inspection for the slightest little slur in your speech, the simplest little falter in your step, the smallest hesitation in your thought and the constant wonder if something dreadful is going to happen. When I get back to trusting that you're going to be just fine. When I get back to a world without illness, pain, or suffering.

In truth, she's been great since we've gotten here. It's been three months since any issue (other than the emergency room visit after she fell and slammed her head). Even as I write this, and even as I ponder, I feel the presence of the One who has suffered through my moral seizures and paralysis. Who's watched over me as I've stumbled and fallen and bled. When I think of this I can't help but feel hope arise and faith grow and hold on with anticipation for the great moment to come of "when I get back to".

Naomi's Skill

2010-10-28T13:32:00.003-04:00

Well, we took our first "vacation" in Brazil. Traveling anywhere with two little munchkins with planes, trains, buses, taxis, etc. isn't the most relaxing thing, but we had a great time none-the-less. Both Shannon and my passports are expiring the beginning of next year, and we thought it would be good to get them renewed with plenty of time left. So we headed out Monday afternoon for São Paulo. We were in awe of the city, never seen such an enormous city in our lives!!! Some estimates at over 20 million people!

We went to the Consulate on Tuesday morning, and were pleasantly surprised that it only took us about an hour to get everything taken care of. We had done some searching the night before for things to do. Shannon talked me in to not being cheap, so we sprung the US$15 for the four of us to go to the São Paulo zoo. It was amazing, there were over 3000 animals. The kids had a blast and we spent about four hours there.

Of course, it's always an adventure. Caleb was getting exhausted and wanted to be carried everywhere, but wouldn't fall asleep. So we were carrying him for a while and then putting him down to walk. (Important to note, Caleb does not know how to walk, we've never observed that phenomenon, he runs EVERYWHERE)! Well, sure enough, at one point we had put him down and were looking for an entrance to this kid's place. We got sidetracked and Shannon, Naomi, and I looked at this other exhibit. We seriously hadn't turned our head for more than 10 seconds, turned around and Caleb was gone. Shannon went running one direction, I took off in the other with Naomi, our hearts were just about stopped. Shannon found him around the corner a good 1000 feet or so away, behind a fence, just standing. She was tearing up and all he says is "I didn't find the way in yet mom".

This was towards the end of the day and we were all exhausted, and pretty angry at that point too. At the same time we were relieved, so we sat down on a bench to take a break. Caleb was finally starting to fall asleep sitting on Shannon. Naomi was mentioning every three seconds what animals we still had left to see. As we were sitting there, we heard a bird shaking a bunch of leaves above our heads. Shannon asked me what it was, and I replied "at this point, I'm not going to bother looking, it's probably a pigeon and there's a great chance it's about to crap on us." Naomi rolled her eyes at me and said, "don't worry Dad, I'll find the bird and figure out what it is". She got up and walked back into some bushes and was looking all around this tree while we sat there trying to gather up some energy. All of the sudden Naomi shouted "daddy, come look, it's one of those cool birds from your book" I walked over, still expecting a pigeon, and saw this:

How AWESOME! My daughter totally spotted a Red-breasted (or Green-billed) Toucan. It was sitting on a branch at a height of about 7 feet, right above us. We stared at it, and were amazed. It stayed just long enough for me to pull the camera out, and then it took off out of the park and into some more forest (the zoo is actually located in the middle of a massive forest area that is preserved inside of the city). I found this picture on the web.

I had to take the time to celebrate my daughter and her amazing birding skills. It's something that the kids and I have loved to do together. They like to find me birds, make up names for them, and then run screaming and roaring at the birds as they chase them away. Shannon's probably going to get some pictures up later on Facebook about how that doesn't always work out great, especially in the case of ducks and geese, a whole other story!

Things I Love About My Life - Take 2

2010-10-16T21:16:00.005-04:00

I love that Naomi and Caleb are starting to understand more Portuguese and have started responding to simple questions in Portuguese... it's so fun! And when they're playing, sometimes they make up words and pretend that they're speaking in Portuguese. I love that my kids will someday be bilingual (or maybe trilingual)!
I love that Caleb wants to pray for all of our meals... he reminds us when we forget, and then takes it on as his duty to pray for all of us.
I love that we have made friends with cool Brazilian people like Jonas & Amanda and get to hang out with them often. They're 19 and 16 respectively, but they are our closest friends here. We definitely feel like we connect with them, even with the language barrier. Jonas is the worship leader at the church that we attend and Amanda has just recently fallen in love with Jesus!
I love the spontaneity of this culture... i.e. yesterday morning, the bishop over the entire Methodist church in Brazil (and a friend of ours) calls us on Skype and asks Steve if he would give a devotional at a meeting with the District Superintendants about 3 hours later... such fun! And, mad props to my hubby, who wowed them with his fabulous Portuguese :)
I love that I can walk out of my house and find new places that I have yet to discover. While I was out yesterday, I ran into a friend of mine, which is a big deal since we know about 30 people in a city of 2&1/2 million.
I love that also, while I was out for my walk, I walked past an adorable little girl, playing out at the front of her house and when her mom came out, they both waved at me and smiled and said good morning. Living in the city is very different from what we're used to and people don't always talk to you... they're a bit more reserved, and cautious. So anyways, it's always a plus when I run into a friendly person who smiles and talks to me.
I love that we have made relationships with people in day-to-day life. Steve stopped by the Panificadora (bakery) around the corner where we buy our bread every day or two, when he was returning to the hospital with some food for us the other night and shared with the people what was happening with Naomi. The next day, on his way to the market, the shop owner came running out and asked him how Naomi was. People who would just be strangers or shopworkers at home are genuine opportunities for relationship and sharing in this culture.
I love that, even though we are many miles away from most of our friends and family, we have the opportunity to still be in contact through Skype, and the internet. I love that we can maintain our relationships with so many that we love and miss like crazy!
And lastly... I love my family! I love that God has blessed me with such an amazing husband and that we get to walk this journey of life together. I love that He has given us the opportunity to raise these two precious kids and to point them to Jesus and to teach them of His love for them.
Thanks for letting me share more about how fabulous my life is!

Caleb's potty training goodness

2010-09-27T18:25:00.004-04:00

So, we have one funny boy on our hands... this week we started potty training and I wanted to document some of the hilarious things that came out of his mouth. So, the first day, we had started talking about his body and how things work... that his body would give him signals to tell him that he had to pee/poop and that he needed to start "listening" to his body so that he would know when to sit on the potty. And so we were sitting up at the table eating lunch that afternoon, Caleb busts out with "hey mom... my belly is telling me that it doesn't want broccoli, only candy." He's been getting a half a piece of candy each time he sits on the potty, so the first day he wanted to sit on it every 5 minutes, for about 10 seconds, so we had to do a little revising of the candy reward (ah, kids love to keep you on your toes).
Also, every time we've had him sit on the potty when he wasn't in the mood, he uses the excuse that his body told him that he didn't have to go.
i have to give some props to my boy who has been running around with no pants on (except his big boy underwear) for the last 6 days, in 60 degree weather... he is actually getting it down. One time, we tried to have him stand up and pee at the regular toilet one time... when he came out of the bathroom with Steve, he said, "mom... my penis told me it didn't need to pee."
At the beginning, we had some rough times, but thankfully he's getting more and more comfortable with himself... earlier when he was sitting on the potty, he started playing with himself and he said, "mom... I'm pretending it's an elephant"!!!
Aside from the potty training, he has (well, for about a year now) been almost as good as his daddy at quoting movies. I love the randomness of it all, for example, the other night, we were riding home on the bus and Caleb just randomnly, said "leaving broccoli... a vegetable" (complete with the pause for effect), which was a quote from IceAge 3, which is one of their favorites. I could go on and on about all the times he has used quotes at totally appropriate times, but that will have to be another blog. Here are just a couple of examples of how adorable our little boy is, and we are so blessed to be his parents! Love you, Caleb Samuel!!

Yet another adorable thing that came from the mouth of our little girl

2010-09-17T13:39:00.003-04:00

So, I know that we have blogged a lot lately about Naomi, but I think that she is just thriving here... so anyways, we have to share this one too. A couple of days ago, Naomi woke from her nap before Caleb and so Steve offered to let her watch a movie. Some of the new movies we bought for the kids have the option to be watched in Portuguese or English, so Steve asked Naomi what language she wanted to watch the movie in this time (lately we have been having the kids watch the movies in Portuguese about 5 or 6 times and then let them watch it in English to give them some words for things they weren't picking up before, then go back to Portuguese). Naomi's response to Steve was (ah, I wish you could hear the tone...) "Portuguese, Daddy... we already know English, but we need to learn Portuguese" Ahhh, she is SO my daughter :)

2010-09-10T13:18:00.002-04:00

So, i woke up this morning to Caleb climbing and jumping all over me... a daily occurance in our home. About 10 minutes later, Naomi walked in really smiley. We have been working on staying dry through the night, so when she came in this morning we asked her if she was dry, she responded with a huge smile and said yes! As we were starting to praise her and get really excited about this victory, she stopped us and said, "but you know what I'm really excited about?... isn't today momma's birthday? Happy birthday, momma!" How darn sweet is that?!?! Made my day! I freakin' love this girl!!!

Priceless Moment!

2010-08-20T10:33:00.003-04:00

Our family took a walk to the Panificadora this morning. On the way, as I was holding Naomi's hand, I looked at her and said, "I am so proud of the woman you are becoming". She gave me her big grin, looked up, and said,"Daddy, I'm glad that's working out for ya".

That's all I need to write.

Eu amo minha vida! (I love my life)

2010-08-06T21:16:00.003-04:00

So, starting to process earlier has left me wanting more. And so, since I have a little bit more quiet time this evening, I've decided to make a list of things that I'm loving about my life in Brazil. Here goes:

1 - I love that I get to live new adventures every day! Sometimes these are things that I would've normally taken for granted, like going to the grocery store, but now they are new and fun and not always easy either.

2 - I love that we take long walks every day (or at least close to every day) and have a lot of time to talk to each other and process life during these times. We also have many opportunities to learn about the area that surrounds us and the people we live among now... which leads me to my next love.

3 - I love that I get to be a learner every single day... I know I had the opportunity to do this in the US as well, but here this role is almost thrust upon me, but I actually enjoy it. It has actually spurred me to learn in other areas that are not necessity, and other than learning Portuguese and the culture of the Brazilian people, and learning how to cook from some sweet (and patient) Brazilian friends, we have been learning about different types of plants and animals. Steve and I have also been doing an inductive Bible study together for the first time since we've been married and I love it!

4 - I love that we have been making meal times a priority. This isn't something we ever put much effort into doing when we lived in the states, but has been invaluable. We have learned so much about our children and each other during these times and we are totally loving our dining room table :) I'm praying for many more good times to happen there.

5 - I love that tonight, at the dinner table, Naomi said to me "porque... why" like she was translating her Portuguese for me. I love that my kids enjoy speaking the language and that they are understanding even more than I know.

6 - I love that our Jesus Storybook Bible is starting to get worn out because the kids love reading it so much! I love that we have great friends who bought it for us before we left to come here and that our kids are really learning about the "Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love" of the God who created them and sent His Son to earth to rescue them! And I love that the kids ask to read stories by name and that they can finish sentences in the stories... so fun!

7 - I love that we live in such a hospitable place! The other day, when I got stuck in the bus door (if you don't know about this story, you can ask and I'd love to give you details... a very humbling experience), we were walking home and Steve was carrying a sleeping Caleb and Naomi was doing an amazing job walking next to us and I was carrying all of our purchases from the day (a rug for our frontroom and a wooden box full of our dishes set). I had just set one bag down to switch arms that I was carrying it on when I realized that I had blocked the sidewalk and there was a guy riding a bike from the other direction. When I picked up my stuff and said sorry, he asked if he could carry the stuff for me to my house! And this is only one example of the hospitality that is so prevalent in this culture.

8, and lastly - I love that my kids are being exposed to life how a majority of the world live. I love that when my kids see people in poverty they ask hard questions and they want better for them. I love that they are compassionate and caring and they are thinking outside of themselves. I don't want to hyper-spiritualize my kids... they are still 4 and 2 and beat eachother up and can be really selfish at times and they pick their noses. But I love that they are being challenged to think of others when we live life among those who have less than we do.

Thanks for reading about my life and for letting me share a little bit more about life here.

Boa Noite (Good night)

Living with paradox

2010-08-06T15:37:00.006-04:00

Since I have yet to really sit down and take the time to process all that has been going on in our life for the last month and a half, I figured I'd use this quiet time while the kids are both sleeping to do just that. You will have to bare with me as normally my processing is pretty random :) so to make it a little easier, I'll just make a list of my thoughts. here goes:

I am loving that we are getting closer as a family and getting to know each other better
... at the same time, we are learning that, as culture shock hits and things get harder, it's much easier to take it out on those who are closer to you. So we've had to learn to ask for forgiveness A LOT (and extend forgiveness as well) during these stressful times.

I love learning a new language and am thankful to the Lord that He's given us a grace to be picking it up pretty quickly. A Brazilian friend came over today and brought me to the store, taught me how to cook some, and ate lunch with us. She was over for probably around 2&1/2 hours and we were able to converse with her the entire time she was here
... at the same time, it has been frustrating to not be able to share deeper parts of who I am with our Brazilian friends because of the lack of vocabulary. I can't wait to share more of the depths of my soul and the longings of my heart with them! I am excited for the day when I can talk to our friends here about how the Lord is moving in their lives and even just about their feelings, but I know the day will come and, for now, I'm learning more about patience.

I love that my kids have started calling me "mamae" (Portuguese for mom) and using little phrases in Portuguese during normal conversation.
... and I know that a day will come when my kids will probably be interpreting for me. It has been fun watching them go from being confused about the idea of others speaking in a different language to actually being able to understand little phrases. The first week we were here, we were at a pastor's conference and there was a woman speaking on a microphone (which they turn up REALLY LOUD here) and Naomi said "I can't understand her because she's too loud." Even after we explained that the reason she wasn't able to understand was because the woman was speaking Portuguese, Naomi still responded, "no, it's because it's loud" :) And today, when we were at our language school, our professora asked Naomi a couple of questions in Portuguese and Naomi answered them appropriately! It's so cute to hear her little accent!

I have started to come to grips with the idea of doing dishes after every meal and cleaning the floor at least once a day - 2 things that I don't enjoy doing in the least, but are necessity here because spaces are small and they get dirty quick.
... and it's helped me to identify with a larger percentage of women around the world who have been doing this (and much much more) their entire life. I have lived a very privileged life thus far and I am learning to be thankful for what I have and remember to pray for those who have even less.

One of the most difficult things for me to wrap myself around since we've been here are expectations. I know Steve talked a little about this before, but it's something I'm dealing with as well. As a mother, walking into a new culture, I have wondered often how people are perceiving my parenting. Is it culturally appropriate for me to spank my kids, or even discipline them by raising my voice?... Am I a "bad parent" if I let some older kids watch my kids while I go into someone else's house and sit and converse with them?.. Can I let my kids run around our driveway area by themselves, or do I have to sit down there with them while they're playing? These are only a couple of the questions that I mull over all day, and may not know the answer to for some time.
... thankfully, we're learning that Brazilians are not normally afraid to share their opinions, and so hopefully once we know the language a little more, we will be able to question other parents to learn how they live life with little kids. Until then, once again, I need to learn patience.

There are many more of these to come, but I don't want to write a book. Thank you for reading this far and for walking in this journey with us! We would not be able to do this without the backing of the amazing people who we call our family and friends! We are so thankful that the Lord has called us to this place and are excited to be able to do our part in the body of Christ. Thank you for also doing your part, and may the Lord bless your obedience. It is my prayer that the body of Christ would function as a healthy body throughout the world, and that as a result, others would be drawn to the feet of Jesus!

Deus a bencoi (God bless you) -

Shannon

Our Disease

2010-08-01T13:40:00.002-04:00

All of our training has prepared us for the inevitability of the onset of a period of turmoil known as Culture Shock. If you really want to know how to be praying for us over the next several months, it is related to this area. I've posted some notes from our training on our website www.themissionsociety.org/people/mersinger. It's in the top right above our newsletters.

Culture shock, and the inability to cope, is one of the primary reasons that 50% or more of full-time missionaries do not complete their first term or leave right after their first term is up. We've been here just over a month and have been loving the honeymoon stage of culture shock. Everything is new and exciting and fresh. However, we've started to feel the tension over the past week and a half that this portion is ending and an unsettling and chaotic period is beginning.

On a surface level it is largely simple things that aren't very significant, but if you dwell upon them they can bite you. I miss Reese's peanut butter cups, they don't have peanut butter in Brazil. Dulce de leite is AWESOME, but it's not peanut butter. I miss flushing toilet paper, throwing it in the trash can lacks a certain appeal that I'm sure you're cringing at the thought of right now! I miss Salvation Army half priced Wednesdays ~ "can't just some of you selfish Brazilians get rid of your nearly brand new clothes that you never wear because you have tons of others so that I can buy them for 50 cents?"

All of the above, and many others unlisted, are very simple things that we can laugh at and move past with a chuckle. Others have started wearing on us and they are what we really need prayer for. In a context where it can take four to five hours just to walk to a store, negotiate a price for a pair of sandals, and walk home can leave you feeling extremely useless and lazy at the end of the day. We say, "what did we do today besides go shopping, do some laundry, and cook two meals?" Then we realize nothing, because all of that took 10 times longer than it did in the states. We're picking up language and getting some of the culture and figuring new things out while we're doing all of this, but it feels extremely unfulfilling.

Couple this with the fact that even when you succeed in such a venture, you're still left feeling like a moron. You can't express the simplest of your feelings or ideas about life. You can get "things" that you want by pointing, grunting, and scratching your armpit like a caveman, but it's not due to the intricacies of your learned communication styles, but the grace and mercy of your hosts. However, none of that lends to the building of deep relationships and the formation of a community that you can lean and rely on in the midst of challenges.

On top of not being understood, is the inability to truly understand. Without knowing the language let alone the non-verbal signs and cues that are being communicated, it leads to a lot of ambiguity. For me, as a people pleaser, this leaves me very unsettled in wondering about expectations. What are they? What do these people whom I'm working with expect out of me. I don't know, so I'm left to my imagination, which is a dangerous thing.

These are the aspects of this season that we most need prayer for! In reality, we are feeling these tensions, but we're also learning a ton and experiencing the presence of God in the midst of them. One of the other aspects of culture shock that was emphasized in our training is that it creates an atmosphere that is conducive to spiritual renewal. Whenever I am confronted with the ambiguity of expectations, I have to lean back on the reality of my identity, a beloved child of the King. What are HIS expectations for me? What is HIS view of me? That is the audience of One that I have been called to live my life before. If I do that well, then I'm in the best possible position to be a blessing to those I'm sent to, regardless of whether they have expectations, whether I understand them, and whether or not they are or aren't realistic ones.

One final thing that we find encouraging as we head into this is that we have not experienced any major aspects of culture shock in terms of hostility towards the Brazilian people. This is a common aspect of the struggle, but we have found the Brazilian people very easy to appreciate and love, and we think that this is vital to our work here. Even our one small complaint; that whenever Caleb throws a temper tantrum in the home of one of our Brazilian friends, he comes home with five more new toys; is understandable to us. We don't appreciate him being rewarded for his behavior, but we recognize that Brazilian culture places a deep value on harmony in relationships. As our relationships deepen, we will in time express our feelings and values in terms of not rewarding this kind of behavior. But for now while we remain in this ambiguous position, we believe it is best to respect the culture and learn from it as we are able.

Cidade de Deus - City of God

2010-07-29T12:08:00.003-04:00

During our time in Rio, we had the opportunity to visit the City of God. It's one of the more than 100 distinct favellas in Rio de Janeiro. It's also one of the more prominent ones because of the movie that was made about it several years ago of the same name.

We spent an entire day walking around with a man who pastors inside Cidade de Deus and has lived there his whole life. He was an arms dealer and drug addict for many years and had his life transformed by the gospel of Jesus. We've mentioned before the differences in the approach of the churches in these areas to issues like drug trafficking. They have standing relationships with the different cartels. They don't approve of what is going on, but they know the officials are corrupt also. So instead of directly opposing them through legal avenues (which we're told would not likely work anyways), they build relationships of trust with the drug dealers and seek to live out their faith and witness in the midst of a messy situation.

According to the pastor, this has led to much fruit in the City of God. In the past two years, as the churches have united and worked together laboring in prayer, they have seen some radical changes within. There has been some transforming within the local political structures that has helped, but there have been some dramatic conversion experiences among top cartel leaders that have really shaken things up.

A local missionary asked us to continue to intercede for them. She explained that while we were being told truth, and that much had changed, there is still a long road to go. As we sat in the house of a woman who lives in the City of God we saw a clear presentation of the paradox of life in the midst of such circumstances. She had two sons who had gotten involved in trafficking, they both attempted to get out and were shot down and killed. She expressed her hurt, and her fears that another son was heading down the same path, but she also mentioned that she couldn't be too mad because these same people provide gas, running water, and basic necessities for her that she needs to live. The murderers of her children, still seem to care more and deliver more for her daily life than the elected officials.

One final story, I had a sweet moment with Naomi in the midst of our journey through Cidade de Deus. We were heading up an elevated portion of the favella along a hill side. As is normally the case here, the most impoverished are literally marginalized to the sides of hills and mountains where dwellings are less stable and accessories such as running water and electric are less available. As I carried Naomi, hopping from stone to stone, to avoid falling into the small stream of sewage that collected from tin shacks to run straight down the pathway that these people used to leave their part of the city, she asked me about the housing. She wanted to know what the buildings that we were passing were and why it smelled like poop. I explained to her that they were peoples houses. She started to tear up and got very concerned. She said, "but Daddy, I don't want them to have to live here". I told her I didn't either. Then she said, "Daddy, when Jesus comes to fix the world, will he make these people new houses too?". I asked her what she thought. She said, "I think He will Daddy, I don't think He likes it that these people have to live here either."

Unfurnished Brazilian Style

2010-06-20T09:10:00.003-04:00

An interesting aspect of our hunting for a place to live has been the difference between unfurnished and furnished places. The furnished places are outrageous so we've mostly stayed away from those and began to search in the unfurnished places. We were warned before we came that getting furniture here would not be like in the states. There are no goodwills or salvation army's or garage sales. If you bought a couch ten years ago for $200, and it's not trashed, you could still get $190 for it. Basically, goods hold their value here.

What has come as a surprise to us as we began to look at some of the unfurnished places is that unfurnished has a vastly different meaning here. It's not just needing some furniture. When a Brazilian cleans out their place to rent it out unfurnished, they take the major appliances, sinks, cabinets, counters, toilet seats, and light bulbs!!! An interesting aspect of Brazilian culture to us.

The First 24 Hours

2010-06-13T19:13:00.002-04:00

I am not pretending that this will be a daily thing, it won't! However, these first 24 hours have been somewhat remarkable.

It began with an inconceivable reality, we were not allowed to go to Brazil and would not be given our tickets. Apparently the guy at the US Air counter had some little piece of paper print out that said we couldn't come without a return ticket, although we had no immediate plans of returning. If it weren't for my brother-in-law Duane, and his precious technologically advanced phones we would've been in trouble. We asked if we could purchase return tickets and show them proof to obtain our tickets. We had to run to the gate but we were off!

In Charlotte we met this Brazilian lady who lives in Pennsylvania. She was returning to Rio to visit family. We had a good conversation and she ended up being near us on the plane. About 7 am this morning nearing the end of the flight, her daughter Bianca (about 4) had to go to the bathroom. She stands up, turns to the middle aged American man next to her, and asks him to hold her 6 week old while she helped her daughter in the bathroom. She promptly handed the baby over and walked towards the bathroom with little Bianca in tow. MAAmericanM or MAAM as I will forever call him, looked with bewilderment as six month old boy began to cry. I thought he was going to pass out at the unfolding of unexpected events.

This previous story combined with the thirty to forty cases of complete strangers in airports and grocery stores patting our kids on the head would be experience enough to cause some of our closest friends back home to completely stroke out :)! You know who you are!

While we're "normal" enough to see these things as completely odd. We're odd enough to completely LOVE IT! I'm sure as time passes there will be things that grate on us. But I think we're officially in the honeymoon stage and can see the plus side of some of these "oddities". Some of these "oddities" are simply the reflection of God's image through another culture and we want to value them, even if it is difficult.

Much more to come . . .

Hopefully the final update on Naomi :)

2010-05-09T14:39:00.001-04:00

Family and friends, we wanted to let you know of some great news!
So, as some you know, we had an appointment with a geneticist down in south Florida on the 4th and wanted to write and let everyone know how things went. We met with Dr. Benke and part of the way through the appointment he stated that he felt like he knew what was going on. He said that, based on the labs and our explanation of what we’ve been dealing with the last year, he felt like Naomi’s body is having difficulty processing an organic acid called Glutaric Acid. He was really straight up with us that he was giving us a presumptive diagnosis, but said he felt strongly that this was what was going on. The only way to definitively diagnose this disease is with a spinal tap, but since he didn’t feel like Naomi’s case was severe enough to warrant that, he told us to decrease the amount of protein that she gets in her diet and she will start taking something called Carnitine which is used to detoxify the brain. We had some more labs done today to cross off a couple of other things that could possibly be causing this and will be talking to Dr. Benke on the phone or via email when those results come in. Even though this is another presumptive diagnosis, we feel like this is the first time that a Dr. looked at us with certainty and told us what we were dealing with. He taught us how to treat it, expected it to be dealt with in this manor, and gave us instructions to determine if his assessment was wrong. He’s been in this specialty for 35 years and told us he was confident about this diagnosis and hoped that with this treatment we could avert the spinal tap and see our daughter well. He also finished by giving us a website that had 25-30 different metabolic specialists in Brazil that we could work with and was willing to communicate with them. We want to thank you all for your prayers and for being with us as we are continuing to walk this crazy journey. This is the first time that we have had a peace about a diagnosis and felt that everything Naomi has been going through was explained. We are very excited to be in this position and are thankful to have you all praying in our corner.
We love you all!!!
The Mersingers

Ode to the Boy

2010-04-13T21:32:00.005-04:00

Anyone who knows us, understands that this year has been a difficult year for us. It's been good, much growth, much maturing, a tightening of our bonds as a family, but still hard! Most of that has centered around the challenges with Naomi's health. It's placed us in a position of ambiguity where we have to constantly remind ourselves that we do trust One who knows no ambiguity. With that said I wanted to celebrate someone special to us and make something clear that we haven't communicated well.

It could be possible that, with all the attention placed on Naomi, some might wonder if that little blonde boy in the pictures gets left out. Any of you who have had the pleasure of being geographically near to us know that such a reality is not a possibility. For those of you who haven't been around us much, I wanted to take some special time to celebrate our son, Caleb Samuel.

Many of you know that I wanted all girls. Not because I don't think boys are awesome, but because I was scared to be a father to a son, scared of my own insecurities, and frightened of my own inadequacies. I knew the strength of love and affections I held for my daughter, but feared that I would not know how to be the same for a son. My father and I had a horrible relationship growing up, it's gotten really good as I've gotten older, but I know that I'm capable of the same things my father was and feared to pass it on to another son of another generation. I fought that fear and laid it before the cross and begged for help, but still was unsure and afraid that I would fail this little life that popped out onto the back seat of my van on September 14, 2007.

The events of his birth endeared him to my immature, adventure-seeking, having a good story to tell persona, but the insecurities were still there. I had said with Naomi that children have an uncanny ability to root out your deepest insecurities, baggage, and issues and toss them out on display for the whole world. You can either hide from it or deal with it. With Caleb there was already so much bound up in me to be tugged at, and it didn't help that he came out looking like the mailman's kid. Thank Jesus I was a mailman at the time :). His first few weeks he was so much more difficult and couldn't keep food down. He vomited after every meal and left Shannon and I crying and exhausted, worried about his growth. He seemed clingy to Shannon (like most kids are to their moms) and I felt like he wanted nothing to do with me, which I recognized as a manifestation of my own baggage rather than any reality in the mind of an infant. In the midst of exhaustion, frustration, and worry it seemed like I was pressed with many excuses and reasons to reject him, to refuse to love, or to love with less intensity than I knew I was capable of. Every bit of selfishness was pressed with seemingly reasonable options for holding back, withdrawing, and writing off.

There have been many times in my life that I've known I was capable of horrible things, but since I've started to try to walk with Jesus, I've seen the reality and possibilities of what I'm capable of, are no match for abandonment to, and trust in, the One who is molding me into someone capable of love, especially love for others. I know what could have been, what hardness could have done to the bonds that I longed for with my son and now have realized. That would have been a different blog. As it stands, by grace, I set out to win my son's love. To pour out my heart for him and let it overflow even if I risked another bout with rejection.

When I began to stay home with the kids, Caleb was just about a year and a half old. It was a challenge with the two of them, much harder than when I had stayed at home with only Naomi during school. I began to notice the fears fading, loyalties arising, love strengthening. I knew I wanted a bond with my son that was healthy, strong, and affectionate. I recognized that I truly believed this only happened in movies, but at the end of the day it must be a reality that God longs for in all humanity. If we were meant to bare His image, and He is One who displays unconditional love for His Son, then could it be possible that He can enable us to represent His image by bearing that out?

As time went on, I began to see so much of myself in Caleb. Though we look nothing a like, our personalities are so similar. He is such an emotional being, fiery and passionate, but lacking self-control. I think that exact line was written on my Kindergarten report card. He is sensitive and caring, yet simultaneously guarded and defensive. I feel like I have such insight into how to love him because I understand how he wants to be loved. I understand what his fears are and why he gets confused. I understand what needs to be said even if it is not always what I want to say.

The hardest thing is recognizing how much he watches me, how he always sees what I am doing. He sees me as an example, but does he know how much I DON'T have it together? There's part of me that wants to try to "pull it together" to be an example, but more often I've simply sat down and shared with him how I struggle, then watch his 2 year old mind spin, relate it to a movie he likes, and compare it with how he doesn't want to stop punching people.

There is so much to this kid, more than words could write. As his 29 year old father, I rejoice sometimes when I look at him and see a 2 year old that is often more content in his identity than I am in mine. I thank God that I've had a role in that and pray that it remains so through elementary school, puberty, and the discovery of girls. Not that who he is is perfect, but that he knows where he is at in such a remarkable way.

Perhaps the best way to finish this celebration is to share a story and a picture or two. Caleb is sensitive and sweet, but he is also a warrior. It's a good thing and a bad thing, but in this case, a freaking adorable thing. He received a boppin bag for Christmas. He was not overly impressed, it was a piece of plastic in a box the size of a deck of cards. It took me about 45 minutes to get it blown up correctly (I didn't know you needed a water or sand base and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't stand up). He still wasn't overly impressed but came at my begging. I told him to punch it, and he did nonchalantly. As the bag rose up to meet him . . . here is what followed . . .

New Naomi Update

2010-04-10T15:26:00.004-04:00

I'll try to keep this quick but comprehensive. Naomi had another episode on Wed, which started with her getting weak and then she had a seizure. When we called 911, she was already coming out of the seizure, but was transferred to Sarasota Memorial Hospital. We had spoke with her neurologist previously about the possibility of going down to Miami to meet with a geneticist there. They were unwilling to transfer Naomi to Miami because of the distance, so she was transferred immediately to All Children's Hospital. Unlike the other hospital trips, this time they began an EEG within an hour of arriving at ACH. This was the quickest EEG after an episode we have had... before this the earliest had begun 24 hours after the episode began. As we expected, the EEG showed nothing abnormal. Essentially nothing was "found" but some of the question marks were more definitively ruled out. They discharged Naomi last night and Caleb and I picked her and Shannon up from the hospital.

At this juncture we have a couple of things left to pursue. The geneticist at All Children's was not a specialist in metabolic genetics, so we still need to meet with the geneticist that our neurologist wanted us to consult in Miami. This is to rule out a couple of different possible genetic metabolic disorders. In addition to this, our neurologist at All Children's thinks there is a possibility that Naomi may be struggling with something called Alternating Hemiplegia of Childhood. It is a rare neurological disorder with less than 250 diagnosed cases worldwide. There is little research done but all indications are that it is not terminal and does not lessen life expectancy. The range of experience for people diagnosed with this is extremely varied, but many of them experience episodes that last for days or weeks (which is not the case with Naomi). There are several things that don't totally connect with this diagnosis, but will be researching a bit more about it and will bring it up to the geneticist when we see him.

We're kind of kicking ourselves for not following the food sensitivity diet more strictly during Easter, because then we could have ruled that out as a significant factor. As it stands, we feel strongly that we're on to something with the LEAP food sensitivity results. It may not be that any particular food is "causing" these issues, she may very well have some type of neurological disorder that we can't pinpoint. However, the LEAP test measures the reactivity of her immune system to particular foods. It may be that in exposing her to foods that weaken her immune system, it allows for more severe manifestations of this disorder... who knows? In either case, this provides us with a stronger motivation for sticking to these findings. The dietitian that was sent in to us at All Children's had never heard of LEAP but encouraged us to stick with it strictly if we noticed two months straight with no episodes or symptoms.

Thank you all so much for your prayers! We have felt strengthened throughout this particular event. We're a bit stressed but don't feel like a crash is coming, so please keep praying. After these hospital visits it normally seems like it takes two weeks for life to "reset". We're not feeling like that's the case right now, as we're doing pretty good right now and we're hoping it won't be like that this time but please keep praying. We are in Orlando right now for probably our last visit with many supporters and friends. Please keep praying as we press on towards Brazil and remain diligent in following out the process of obtaining all that we need to in regards to these issues with Naomi. Shannon and I were just remarking as she began walking around this morning sharing new toys with her brother, deciding which of her new toys could go to which of her friends when we leave for Brazil, and asking us significant, meaningful questions about these recent events; that each time she goes through this, she comes out more mature and stronger than before. It still scares the poop out of us when it happens, but we're thankful for Jesus' mercy in the midst of it all. As she was coming out of the seizure at the hospital, she began to cry out for Jesus to come. She's so young and has been through so much, but it is a mercy to know that in the midst of this she's already learning where to turn as she lies in the depths of darkness!

We love you all and are thankful that we have so many wonderful people who are choosing to live life with us -

The Mersingers

Natal Alegre e Ano Novo Feliz! (Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year)

2009-12-30T16:41:00.002-05:00

We have had a pretty busy month since we talked to you last, as we were out of town from Nov. 30th - Dec. 18th for training at the Missionary Training Institute outside of Colorado Springs. We will be sending out a newsletter next month that will give more details about the experience, which was amazing... we want to recommend it to everyone, even if you're not going on the mission field overseas :) Since we have been back, things have been busy with Christmas events and seeing family, so we're thankful to be able to rest these last couple of days and continue processing more of what we learned in CO.

The month of January will be mainly spent support raising as this is the last thing we have now keeping us from leaving for the field. We are at approximately 65% right now and we will be able to leave as soon as we raise at least 85%. We do not have any time constraints for when we need to leave, and will be able to buy our tickets as soon as the support comes in. We're shooting for being in Brazil at the end of February, but we have learned many times before that the Lord's timing isn't always the same as ours, so we're continuing to press into the Lord and wait on Him as we share with others how He is at work in Brazil. We have a couple of invitations to speak in January, but welcome any opportunities to share at small groups, Sunday schools, in churches, or even if you know individuals who would be interested to hear. Thank you to those of you who have spoken on behalf of us to your missions pastors and churches... we have felt so loved by you, our supporters, friends and family!

If you are looking for a ministry that needs your last minute tax-deductible gift for the year 2009, you've got a lot of great options... and we encourage you to give to them with joy! If you would like to make a last minute donation in 2009 to what we'll be doing in Brazil, the easiest way would be to donate through our website at www.themissionsociety.org/people/mersinger. At this time, we are thankful to say that all of our pre-field needs have been met and we are mainly in need of monthly or even yearly commitments, which will get us to and keep us on the field.

Thanks so much for your encouragement throughout this past year! We look forward with excitement for what lies ahead in this coming year!

Peace

The Mersingers
mersingerzoo@gmail.com
941-485-3901
941-234-7321 (Boost Mobile, do I need to say more?)
www.themissionsociety.org/people/mersinger
www.mersingerzoo.blogspot.com

How quickly they grow!

2009-11-22T21:38:00.004-05:00

So it has been forever since I've written on here and I'm determined to be better about it... and I started several blogs a month or so ago, but because my life is crazy I never finished them, but I've decided to post them anyways, and from now on I may just post partial postings that I can come back to later, but at least I'm posting them. Thanks for being patient with my ramblings!

OK, this was from right before we left for CO (mid Nov.):

First of all, I think Caleb totally spoke (or sang) prophetically into my life the other day. He was outside on the swingset, playing with Naomi, and out of nowhere started singing a song from the movie, "Joseph, King of Dreams." The words he was singing were as follows:
You know better than I, You know the way. I've let go of the need to know why, 'cause you know better than I.

As he was singing the song, I felt the Lord say to me that He's bringing me to a place where I'm getting a deeper understanding of what that means for my life. For so long I've been questioning why God has been saying "not yet" to me in regards to following my call to become a missionary. In hindsight, I've seen several things that have given me glimpses of why He's kept me here for this time, but it never fails that the next time I think it's time to go and He continues to say "not yet" I get crazy and wonder if I'll ever get on the field.

In thinking over that movie (and reading through the life of Joseph), I was humbled when I try to even compare my life to his. It caught me for the first time that Joseph felt called to great things... he had dreams about God raising him up to do great things and not only did God not do it like Joseph probably imagined, He probably did just the opposite! Thank you, Lord for speaking to me through my 2 year old!

2009-09-21T22:23:00.003-04:00

We just finished our summer newsletter and I'm not sure how to upload it onto this blog page, so check it out at our Mission Society page:

http://www.themissionsociety.org/people/mersinger

All of our newsletters are on the top, right hand side of our webpage. Also, if you aren't currently, but would like to be, on our mailing list to receive our fabulous newsletters and other exciting updates from us, just shoot us an email and we'd love to add ya to the list so we can better keep you in the loop. Thanks for reading!

Peace -

Shannon

She's Doing Great!

2009-07-25T21:54:00.002-04:00

We wanted to give a comprehensive update of Naomi for those of you who are interested in the whirlwind of "information" that we call modern day healthcare.

Many people have asked us about our thoughts on the spiritual dimensions of what was going on with Naomi. The way that we see it is this: whether she was visibly seeing evil spirits, or simply wigging out because of a medical condition, there was a spiritual assault taking place. We have no problem believing the former, and lean towards that as an assessment. But in either case, the presence of fear, confusion, frustration and discouragement we went through as we approached this issue with deep concern for this precious gift we've been given in Naomi; was wearing us down and challenging us. Thank you all so much for your prayers! We firmly believe that Naomi experienced the power of God and the abundance love of Jesus right in the midst of her struggle.

The pediatrician has ruled out everything from her end. The pediatric neurologist said she is 100% fine and canceled the MRI after getting the results of her EEG. Her blood work showed slightly abnormal levels of testosterone (which was deemed unrelated to the issues at hand) so we were sent for an ultrasound which turned out negative (which is positive, ha). The pediatrician's assessment is that she is fine now and nothing was discovered.

The natural doctor, we had mentioned, believed that she had dealt with some type of virus previously that had caused blockage and buildup of toxins in her lymphatic system. The blood work that was ordered by the pediatrician was also sent to "Dr. Dave" for analysis. He highlighted that the blood work showed that Naomi had been in contact with the Epstein-Barr virus. We assume that the pediatrician didn't mention this because she did not currently have high levels of the virus and that by the age of 40 every person has come into contact with it. Apparently, most children do not experience symptoms other than a slight fever. However, some children do experience extreme fatigue, confusion, and some of the other symptoms that Naomi was experiencing physically. His assessment was that this was the initial infection that led to the backage in her lymphatic system. Within three days of taking the supplements that he gave us her symptoms were gone and her "big boob" began to become a normal boob (which is kind of sad to us in some sense, like if Nemo's fin became normal it wouldn't be his lucky fin anymore).

The bottom line is that Naomi is her self again. She has so much energy again, she has barely napped for the past month. Some of it is her age, but we think some of it has been her going from being exhausted all of the time, to feeling better and having her energy back. She still doesn't like to talk about the "things she saw". Some of ya'll have suggested us asking her to draw pictures and get it in the open so that she will talk about it. We still think it's a good idea and we tried to employ it; but she was very clear with us that she doesn't want to or need to do that. She said "Jesus took care of it guys, and I don't need to talk about it anymore!" She has quite a personality, thank you all again for your prayers and encouragement!!!

My Sly Naomi

2009-05-19T11:52:00.002-04:00

God only knows how Shannon and I managed to bring about such a girly daughter. Her Grammy and Aunt Jackie have to take some of the blame, but she was like this even while we were in Kentucky. We try to encourage who she is, but sometimes we don't know how to take it. She is constantly wanting to change her clothes and wear dress after dress like she's in a fashion show. Admittedly, we need to find some balance between her desire and our habit of keeping her in the same outfit for two or three days. We hate laundry and consider clothes to be "dirty" long past what is conventional. However, we have laid down strong rules about how often Naomi "needs" to change her clothes, and every five minutes will no longer cut it. Even so, she knows how to pull my strings.

Last Thursday, we were planning to leave for Orlando, after getting over some illness. Naomi had been dressed, we were almost all packed, and out she comes running with a skirt. She looks at me and says, "Daddy, can I put this beautiful skirt on?" I tell her that she can't because she's already dressed and we're going to leave and she shouldn't wear a skirt with a dress anyways. She runs past me to ask Shannon (a new habit that we are stamping out). Shannon disciplines her and she comes, apologizes to me, and disappears back into the bedroom.

Five minutes later she comes out laughing and jumping. She has blue shorts on with her dress. She looks up at me, bats her eyes, and says "Daddy, look at my cute, new shorts!" I just stare hard at her in disbelief. She did kind of work around what I told her, but I was so disappointed. Her ear to ear smile starts to lose its form and she gets this look of confusion. She looks over at Shannon for some explanation. Shannon tells her that maybe she should ask me what the problem is. So, slowly, she turns to look at me and says "Daddy, what is the problem?" I ask her "Naomi, what do you think the problem is?" Her eyes well up with tears, her lip droops, and ever so sadly she looks into my eyes and says "you don't like my new shorts?"

I tried so hard, to keep my composure, to not laugh, to make a point to her, but I couldn't. Shannon was rolling in her chair trying to hold her laugh in and she broke once I finally did. Naomi kind of looks around confused then starts to chuckle her maniac chuckle. It's only a matter of time before she's sly enough to do that type of thing on purpose without the tinge of innocence.

Suffering For Jesus

2009-05-12T21:51:00.002-04:00

As I've sat at my laptop for the past couple of weeks burning my DVD collection onto a 5 inch by 3 inch 500 Gigabyte external hard drive that will travel in my pocket, I've had to contemplate what I'm sacrificing to be a missionary. For the past couple of years my life has been dominated largely by missionary biographies; Bruchko, Jim Elliot, E. Stanley Jones, Amy Carmichael, Don Richardson, and others. Their stories have inspired me and allowed me to dream of all that God might have in store for me as I prepare to serve Him abroad. Coupled with this backdrop is our experiences on the support raising trail of so many encouraging brothers and sisters in Christ that continue to affirm all that we're giving up to follow out this hard and challenging calling upon our lives. But as the grind speeds up and our time comes nearer, my dreams and expectations have confronted a reality that looks very different. This has led me to two interesting assumptions that I want to share.

The first is that the world has changed. When we travel to the field it isn't on a boat or by camel, but on an airplane with an in-flight movie. It's not first class, but I've never hopped that route so I don't know what I'm missing. We get off the plane in our "undeveloped country location" and see kids walking with I-pods and indigenous business people with laptops. I don't mean to minimize the intense poverty in so many parts of the world at all, but I can't help but notice that even in the poorest places things are different. Globalization has changed the world, in some ways good, in some ways bad, in other ways yet to be determined. Many places still lack the basic necessities to survive, but as for the place that God has called us to, we'll have running water, electric, and I won't have to wipe with my hand (thank you Jesus)!

Many people who know us well have mentioned the simplicity with which we live our lives. We do in part live this way out of a sense of calling, but if I'm to be honest, much of how we live is because we're cheap and frugal. It's possible for simplicity to be a mask for frugality, but I hope and believe that by the grace of God, He's taught us to be giving and generous also so that even our cheapness can be redeemed and our frugality given a Kingdom purpose. However, in a significant way, our lifestyle only makes traveling abroad easier on us and less of a sacrifice.

The only real sacrifice that I could think of was the physical distance created in our departing. Taking my kids away from their grandparents breaks my heart. I dreamed of having Gramps and Grammy, Grandpa and Grandma shouting at Caleb's ballets and concerts and Naomi's wrestling matches. I got that mixed up, sorry, HA! In all seriousness, it's hard to envision missing out on Caleb's first T-ball swing and watching Grammy shout louder than everyone else in the stands. The reality is that Caleb probably won't play T-ball, but football, and not my favorite kind of football either (yet, anyways). There may not be uniforms, or referees, and competitiveness in South America might be such that the score doesn't matter. I don't know what it will look like, but I know that many of my hopes and dreams are held in check. On the other hand, we have Skype. It's no substitute for a shoulder massage from Grandma over cookies and milk with the smell of Grandpa's cooking lingering in the kitchen. But they won't grow up clueless about their family back home. A relationship can be maintained even if the conditions aren't ideal. So even in this area of sacrifice there is comfort available that was unthinkable previously.

I'm sure there are things unthought of and undiscovered. There are pains that await us that we have not considered. I don't want to minimize the challenges that so many face in following out their calling abroad, but I don't want to trump up some idealized notion of us preparing to go and suffer greatly for Jesus. This leads to my second assumption.

My second assumption is that for all that has changed, there is a common calling that runs deeper than external issues of comfort and familiarity. I assume that if you had asked Jim Elliot what it was like suffering for Jesus, he would've spoken with nothing but great joy over the calling God had given him. Like Paul, so many of them counted all things as loss so they might gain Christ. In the end perhaps all of these things that seem like sacrifice and seem so difficult, are just superficial trimmings that mean little when we find ourselves walking in obedience to the Call. Though many who went before us paid dearly, with their lives even, to carry the gospel abroad; most of them lived lives of such intense purpose that they could have had no greater joy than to engage in the work set before them.

For a long time, I found my identity in being one who was willing to suffer. Over the past few years, I have been led by the Lord to find my identity solely in being His Son. In being a child of the King who is willing to live my life by the values of the Kingdom in the place and way He has prepared for me. I WAS CREATED FOR THIS! Shannon was created for this!! Naomi and Caleb were created for this!!! I'm sure there will be blogs down the road that share griefs, struggles, heartaches, and even suffering. But they won't be the icing on the top, they won't even be part of the cake. They are the tears that will be wiped away and remembered no more. What will last will be the excitement over the race that we're running, and eventually it's completion.